It’s not shocking news that women aren’t into dating apps right now. Literally dubbed “the junk food of the dating world”, young people on social media are sick of being used for instant gratification only to be left on read or worse still — ghosted.
But as one of the most common ways to meet people in the modern world, where are we to turn to for our much-needed physical affection fix?
Women might be putting their foot down and claiming their choice to remain celibate is more satisfying than losing faith in the concept of romance altogether, but surely there’s a limit. As someone with a high sex drive and general enjoyment of PDA of all kinds — whether platonic, sexual or otherwise — I truthfully don’t know how long I’d be able to last without a dose of physical intimacy.
I remember being single and not being kissed for a while. I remember not knowing why I felt so… flat. I also wasn’t interested in going on dates with people I didn’t vibe with, or engage with the stress of waiting to be replied to. But then, a beautiful person would randomly appear one night out at a bar, a friends’ house party, or an invite-only event and I’d find myself kissed — and relieved.
It’s not that I’d say I rely on physical intimacy to feel good, but I simply enjoy it. It’s nice to feel connected to other people. It’s nice to be complimented, to be crushed on, to be touched. It just makes you feel good — and that’s okay.
So while one corner of the internet seems to be going sex-free, man-free, dating app-free and generally just not in the headspace to even think about starting any kind of potentially disappointing connection, another corner — online and IRL — seem to be heading in a completely different direction.
Recently, I’ve been hearing women talk about employing male escorts instead.
Anna Grosman, who opened a male escort agency at the start of this year, says she launched the business in the wake of her friends’ “frustration and disappointment of men on the apps”.
“The men they came across were not refined, cultured, empathetic, compassionate or good lovers,” she said.
“They thought they were, but they were selfish lovers. It was all about them and their penises.”
Anna says that women have lost trust in dating apps, due to a lack of safety.
“Women are also more financially independent,” she says. “They make their own choices in how they want to live their lives, and they have the power to do that.”
Just like going back to your favourite pilates class, or seeing the only hairdresser that gets your colour and texture right, “booking a companion is just another tool in their self-care kit”, she says — and I see her point.
Someone I know recently told me they’d seen a male escort a few times. I’d noticed that she’d stopped talking about dating and falling in love, and assumed she’d just been going on less dates.
“Are you done with the apps?” I asked her.
“So done,” she replied. “I’ve actually started seeing a male escort. I’ve only seen him a few times but he’s so hot and so caring and considerate that honestly, it’s raised my bar.”
She went on to tell me that she doesn’t really feel the need to date anymore.
“It’s funny because he meets my needs so easily, like I don’t want the world. I just occasionally want someone to make me cum and give me compliments and a cuddle afterwards,” she said.
“Everyone is so complicated and has all this baggage that comes along with every intimate exchange. They project their shit onto you, and I can’t do it anymore when all I really want is simple, respectful, spicy attention occasionally.”
She still wants to fall in love, but she figures it will “happen when it happens” and doesn’t want to be disrespected in the meantime.
“Are you going to keep seeing him?” I asked her, referring to the male escort.
“I think so!”
She also tells me it’s hard to talk about, because it feels “embarrassing” to have to pay for sex.
“It’s literally insane that we’re in an era where we have to pay someone to be respectful, communicative and generous to us in the bedroom. Like, I tried to find it out in the world and I didn’t have much luck. This experience has actually restored my faith in humans. I might have to pay — and that might be the only reason my experience is so great — but to me, it’s worth it,” she said.
“I’d rather pay for one good date and fuck a month, than go on countless disappointing and frankly, depressing dates with men who don’t respect me.”
Sex is something we still struggle to talk about in the open, because there’s so much we don’t know how to say — and how it will be received. How can we use language we’ve never been taught? We don’t know how to properly communicate about the basics; like our unique pleasure experience, practising consent, how we feel about our bodies and even what it means to be a sexually empowered woman.
Even I still personally feel — pretty damn often — that I’m judged for being an openly sexual woman. It’s a constant pushing through societal boundaries, and constant listening and trusting myself over the masses; to continue to talk about sex in all its nuances, out loud.
“Women still feel too ashamed to ask or discuss in a conversation what they would like to experience during sex,” says Grosman, “because they’re worried they’ll be judged by their partners, friends and society at large.”
It’s not just a conversation about not having the words to speak up, but also how their partners might feel if they admit they’re not sexually satisfied, she says.
But surely in 2024, we should be able to voice our need for sexual pleasure. Having sex is empowering! Fulfilling! Inspiring! Just ask erotic novelist Anais Nin — a sexually empowered woman is the most creative, intelligent and powerful of all!
“My clients often tell me how grateful they are that such an important service like this exists for them,” Grosman says.
“They feel like they have a voice; a choice in what they want to do, with who and on what terms. They feel like they can be open and honest about their desires in a safe, non-judgmental space. They feel like they can have fun, play and explore. Many describe their bookings as ‘life-changing’, that they ‘didn’t know they could feel that way’ after a sexual experience.
“More confident, courageous, happier, sexier and ready to ask for what they really want.”
Although many of Grosman’s clients are people over 30, who have gone through a separation and are finding themselves on the other side of a big break-up — there’s also been a rise of male escort content on TikTok.
Rhys, a Brisbane-based sex worker with more than 40,000 followers on TikTok, has found a huge audience replying to people’s comments around questions like: “does body type matter?”, “have you had any experience with a trans woman?”, “do you take on couples?”, “what’s your age limit?”, and “do you go on dates, too?”.
It does plenty to uncover where people are at when it comes to feeling accepted within sex and dating.
Plus, I’ve heard more and more women talking about hiring an escort as a means of sexual satisfaction. For an hour, an entire night, a proper hotel sesh… let’s be honest; being romanced, fucked and respected (when you want to be 😉) is an important part of life.
The post ‘It’s Raised My Bar’: Are Male Escorts The Answer To Dating App Fatigue? appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
