Byron Hayward is the first to admit he went through some pretty dark times after losing his job as Wales defence coach.
So much so that he found himself unable to watch last year’s Six Nations, as Wayne Pivac’s team went on to win the Championship title.
It was Pivac who had decided to remove Hayward from his post in November 2020 following five defeats on the bounce.
The Kiwi head coach admitted it was a tough and difficult conversation to have with a man who he’d worked with for a number of years at the Scarlets and become good friends with.
As for Hayward, it was a huge shock to the system.
Some 14 months on, a lot of water has now flown under the bridge and he is back working for the WRU as Wales U20s men's head coach.
It’s a role he is thoroughly enjoying as he prepares for Friday night’s Six Nations opener against Ireland at Cork’s Musgrave Park.
But, speaking in depth about his axing as Wales defence coach, he acknowledges it was a tough period in his life.
“It was a dark time for me, if I am honest,” he said.
“It obviously happened very quickly out of the blue. I wasn’t expecting it.
“You lose your job and all of a sudden you are in a lockdown as well and that certainly made things a whole lot worse.
“This time 12 months ago, I was just basically sat in my house looking at the walls every day.
“I didn’t watch any of the Six Nations last year. I didn’t want to have an opinion good or bad about how the Welsh team were doing.
“It was just important for me to get myself straight and know where I wanted to go next with my life.
“My faith is massive to me and it helped me massively during that time.
“I guess we all go through difficult times in life, whatever that is, in terms of adversity.
“It’s what defines you really at the end of the day.
“A job doesn’t define me. A role, a title doesn’t define who I am.”
As well as his faith, Hayward was also helped by a new pastime he took up while out of work.
“I couldn’t get up to a lot because we were locked down,” he said.
“But I got into ice-cold water swimming.
“I started going up to the lake at the top of Blaenavon mountain.
“I think it’s the coldest place maybe on earth!
“But it’s a beautiful place. A lot of people go there walking.
“Every week from January to April, I went up there.
“I would be shivering that much in the car driving home I was thinking my teeth were going to fall out.
“But it was good for my mind. You are that cold you can’t think about anything else.
“At times, I was actually breaking the ice to get in there. So obviously it was at freezing point.
“You do acclimatise yourself to it and get used to it over a period of time.
“I have found it helpful for my joints, arthritis. There is a lot of research behind it.
“It increases your immune system and it’s good for your mental health...because I think you have to be mental to do it!
“I went up there with Garin Jenkins a couple of weeks ago. He’s into it as well.
“The test is not doing it once, it’s coming back and doing it every week.”
Amid his new interest, rugby took a back seat for the first half of last year.
But then a call from an old pal saw him return to the game last summer - ironically enough against Pivac’s Wales.
“I was nice to get back involved with a good friend of mine Kingsley Jones for a couple of weeks with Canada in the summer,” he said.
“It was a good opportunity to see if I wanted to go back into rugby and I really enjoyed the couple of weeks with then Canadian boys.”
Then came the meeting that was to see him him take up his new job as Wales U20s coach.
“Having a chat with Nigel Walker, this opportunity came up for me,” he explained.
One wonders whether Hayward had any qualms about rejoining the WRU given how his previous employment with them had come to such an abrupt and painful end.
“I had some issues, yes, that I needed to speak with Nigel about, that I needed to get off my chest,” he admitted.
“Nothing about my past job really, just where I was at and where I see this role because I believe we are not just here to make these boys better rugby players but also help them become better people as well.
“Nigel was 100 per cent behind that, in terms of a holistic approach, and I knew this is what I wanted to do after our meeting.”
It’s a second stint with the U20s for the twice-capped ex-Wales international.
“I am absolutely loving it,” said the former Ebbw Vale fly-half.
“We have got a great environment here and I am really enjoying being back working with the young boys again.
“I am really encouraged by what I see with the group.
“There are a lot of exciting boys here.
“The objective is to win the Grand Slam. Whether we achieve it or not is another matter.
“But we have to think like that. We all take part in sport to be the number one, to be the best. It’s pretty pointless us being here if we don’t want to win things.
“I truly believe we will be competitive against everyone we play. If we can get enough possession, I think we will cause teams problems.”
Hayward, who will be 53 next month, concluded: “It’s been a hell of a journey.
“There have been some dark times in it.
"But I am glad and happy to be doing what I’m doing. I’m in a very fortunate position.
“I tend not to look back on things. It’s a negative process. You’ve just got to enjoy the days every day I’m here in the camp with the boys and just look forward with optimism.”
Want the latest Welsh rugby news sent straight to you? Look no further.
