Forty minutes in the car on the M60 on a dark, drizzly Tuesday evening to pick up a takeaway seems like a bit of an undertaking. Actually, let’s upgrade that to ‘daft’. But what if it’s supposed to be the best takeaway in the country?
Last week, the descriptively named Bombay Cuisine in Prestwich was given that very mantle at the Asian Restaurant and Takeaway Awards, dubbed ‘the Oscars of the curry industry’. Over 2,300 businesses were nominated this year, with over 100,000 votes being cast for the winner by their own customers.
To come out as the best takeaway in the whole of the UK as such a modest place - it’s a tiny spot on the edge of Heaton Park, just a kitchen and a waiting area at the front - feels like a pretty big deal. So here I am, on the motorway, really hoping it’s better than my regular Friday night go-to.
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I’m spoiled in that regard. I’ve patronised the Royce Balti Palace in Chorlton for more than a decade now, and it’s never let me down. Not on one single occasion. Bombay Cuisine has an almost insurmountable mountain to climb here.
I’ve already phoned in the order, but when I pull up, things are hectic. The kitchen is hot, loud and small and there are five cooks in the back, each head down and clattering pans together, moving between each other easily despite the squeeze.
When the guy at the front asks for my order, he has a fistful to go through and looks harassed. “Busy?” I ask him. He shakes his head, exasperated. “We’ve had to turn the phones and the ordering off for a bit.”
Sounds like word has got out. I mean I’ve travelled nearly 14 miles to try this place out, so maybe there are other daft sods like me out there too.
“We’ve given you an extra portion of bhajis to say sorry,” he adds. I’ve only been waiting five minutes. I like this place already. Flipping open the carton once in the car, I think ‘not all you lads are going to make it home’. They do not. No one knows I got the extra portion. It is the perfect crime.
The journey back is a bit of a blur. The satnav has brought me back through town. Lamb Lane in Salford pops up on the screen, a sign I’m sure of it - there’s a lamb biryani in the bag on the passenger seat, which, due to its weight, means it has to have its seatbelt on or the seatbelt alarm goes off.
Once back, the contents of the bags still surprisingly warm, the takeaway is laid out. Ordered were bhajis, a king prawn rani pani, a Bombay special - ‘tandoori chicken, chicken tikka, lamb tikka & seekh kebab cooked in a special chef's secret recipe’ - a lamb biryani, a paneer tikka, naans, a saag aloo and an aloo chana. It’s £51 in all, but back to that in a bit.
Much of it doesn’t get off the kitchen counter before being descended upon, and I will admit to eating much of this standing up. Having been sat in the car with it for half an hour (it was quicker on the way home), manners deserted me.
The rani pani with king prawns comes with the shells still on. I’m asked if that’s what I want - you can have them on or off - while ordering, and I very much wanted them left as is. Leaving them on gave this dish a serious depth, and you scoop out the prawns from the shells like mini lobsters. It’s superbly good.
Similarly, the Bombay Special has a depth that’s just beyond most takeaways. Sunk into the sauce is a ludicrous amount of lamb tikka, soft homemade seekh, and apparently most of a chicken. It’s wildly generous, and just as impressive as the rani pani, which I’m still thinking about now, days later.
The saag aloo is heavy with leaf spinach rather than the more often minced, canned kind, which is fine by me too, by the way. It’s buttery and the slightly waxy potatoes have kept their shape, and simply melt. The saag chana is subtly different, spicier and soothing. The charred paneer is first rate.
The biryani had a tough job on its hands. Royce Balti does the best I’ve ever had, and does so consistently. Bombay’s pieces of lamb are a little tough, though the colourful pilau it comes with is excellent, as is the vegetable curry. It’s not as good, but it’s going up against the best takeaway biryani of all time.
But it’s not a duff note. There’s not a duff note anywhere. As for the cost, £51 is a sturdy outlay, there’s no getting around that. But I over-ordered substantially, and such was the generosity of the place, it did four people for two nights and another lunchtime, reheated. So with that in mind, that’s respectable value.
It seemed excessive at the time to be crossing the city from one end to the other for the sake of a takeaway. In hindsight, it needed to happen. And I’ll do it again, because Bombay Cuisine is officially National Takeaway of the Year. It’s kind of hard to argue otherwise.
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