Some journos go to war zones. And I'm not saying that staring down the burger claiming to be the spiciest in the nation should win me a Walkley or anything - but by golly I was thinking it after the second bite.
I had heard about the 'Death Wish' about a week earlier when the email landed in the inbox; apparently, a new burger in the tuck shops of Stockland Greenhills required PPE and a waiver signed before the chefs working the griddle would let you hook in.
Interest piqued - but it wasn't until we were feeling that post-shopping urge for lunch on Monday afternoon that I finally got a look at the infamous sanga from hell.
We had wandered into a booth at Burger Urge when I asked the wait staff what the deal was.
"It's a really hot chicken burger," they said, and then handed me a pair of food handlers gloves and asked me to sign the waiver.
That waiver, by the way, contains the following:
"I accept and assume all risk that may occur before, during and after consuming the Nashville Death Wish ... I accept all risk and medical responsibilities in the event of injury or illness. I represent that I am of sound medical condition to participate in eating this burger."
Well, now I'm committed, I thought, signing my name (and subtly pinching their fancy four-clicker pen as a pre-emptive act of face-burning-off revenge).
Now, the first thing you notice when the Nashville Death Wish hits your table is the smell - that unmistakeable peppery tinge of capsicum-spice.
Aside from the jalapenos, and the slaw (how the heck do you make slaw spicy?!), the southern-fried chicken and sauce is laced with aged moruga scorpion chillies noted for being roughly 500 times spicier than your garden variety tabasco.
The scorpions come from Trinidad and average 1.2 million heat units on the Scoville scale - for reference, a capsicum has a zero Scoville rating and a jalapeno comes in at roughly 2500.
I didn't know this, of course, because I'm famous for skim-reading my emails. Lesson learnt.
The second mistake was eschewing the little plastic gloves because, as I'm sure my loving partner will attest, I have a reputation as a very tough, extremely brave man to uphold. It was a mistake because when my eyes started faintly misting over and watering about bite no. 3 (I wasn't crying, you were crying!), I couldn't do anything about it because my hands were now laced with Trinidadian scorpion chilli.
The third mistake - to round out the trifecta - was thinking that QLD brewer Bacchus' 'Devil's Quencher' beer, developed to accompany the spicy sandwich, was going to do anything to help. Sorry guys - nice brew, but the beer did nothing.
All this aside, though, it was a pretty tasty burger once you got past the bit that causes open weeping in the restaurant. The chicken was cooked to perfection and the slaw was a nice addition.
'But did you finish it?' I imagine the Walkley judges asking. You bet I did; Journo 1, burger nil.
I can only assume the award is in the mail.
Tom Petty's stolen shoes
The family of late singer Tom Petty have claimed that his clothes and shoes that recently went to auction were stolen from a storage facility in Los Angeles.
LAPD has reportedly opened an investigation into the matter after the items showed up for sale at a Boston-based auctioneers establishment, according to US media.
Spoilt for choice: The most pubbed corner in Newcastle
You're never far from a watering hole in Newcastle, as local writer Bradley Perrett recently found.
There are, he tells us, nine locals within a kilometre walk from his front door including Hamilton Station, SJs, the Kent, Northern Star, the Exchange, the Bennett, Green Roof, Lass O'Gowrie and, for a few more days, the Cambridge.
Things to do: Lake Macquarie's Float Your Boat festival
The annual Lake Macquarie Float Your Boat festival is on again as nearly 20 illuminated boats prepare to cruise the shorelines for spectators starting on the western shores on Friday, June 23, before moving to the eastern side on Saturday, June 24.
Details are available online.
