Four Chancellors, three Prime Ministers, two monarchs and one financial collapse.
Whatever your take on politics’ maddest year in decades, you can be sure five gold stars won’t go to Boris Johnson or Liz Truss.
We started the year talking about Covid, Ukraine and Downing Street parties. We finished it talking about a lettuce.
Matt Hancock ate camel penis, a porn-watching Tory resigned and bullying allegations rocked the government.
Boris Johnson became the first PM to be fined by police for breaking the law.
Liz Truss lasted 49 days in office, hiked everyone’s mortgages, and will now have to attend ‘former PM’ events until she dies.
All the while Labour surged to its biggest poll leads since the 1990s - making 2022 the first year in over a decade when Westminster began to foresee a Labour government.
We look back on a scarcely believable year in British politics.
January
Britain was emerging from its Covid fever dream, with Boris Johnson (remember him?) announcing free PCR tests would be axed.
But the PM’s Partygate nightmare continued as the Mirror revealed more photos - and it emerged a suitcase of wine had been smuggled into No10.
Tory David Davis told him “in the name of God, go!” while Christian Wakeford defected to Labour, crossing the floor pre-PMQs.
The Met Police finally launched a criminal probe and Sue Gray’s interim report found “failures of leadership”.
The chaos-hit PM even missed a phone call with Vladimir Putin, weeks before the Ukraine war, due to Partygate fallout.
A row grew over the PM’s £112,000 revamp of his grace-and-favour flat, as his begging message to a Tory donor emerged.
In a pageant-for-paintjob scandal, he said he would consider Lord Brownlow’s plan for a new ‘Great Exhibition’ in return for help.
The PM was slammed for saying Keir Starmer failed to prosecute paedo Jimmy Savile in his last job.
And a spy scandal rocked Parliament as it turned out a ‘Chinese agent’ was ‘active’ - donating to Labour MP Barry Gardiner.
Brexit import checks finally kicked in after delays, in a move critics say is strangling our trade with Europe.
February
Desperate to stem the no-confidence trickle, Boris Johnson announced a sped-up plan to end England’s Covid laws.
Mandatory self-isolation, £500 payments and free lateral flow tests were all to be axed after two torrid years of lockdowns.
He did a hurried mini-reshuffle - naming Jacob Rees-Mogg ‘Brexit opportunities’ minister, and choosing a housing minister who helped defeat a bid to make all homes 'fit for human habitation’.
Partygate problems bubbled on as we revealed a photo of Mr Johnson at a ‘virtual’ quiz with an open bottle of fizz.
But within days that was all parked as Russia invaded two breakaway regions of Ukraine - then the whole country.
Putin’s bombs rained down on the capital Kyiv as the darkness of war returned to Europe, prompting millions of refugees to flee.
March
Boris Johnson toured Europe condemning “barbaric” Putin’s slaughter of kids as he rounded up defence cash to aid Ukraine.
But he was branded a “poodle on roubles” back home for being too slow to sanction Russian oligarchs.
Eventually many had their assets frozen - including Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich - but it took several weeks.
And the debate turned to refugees after Britain slapped visa rules on arrivals rather than simply letting them all through.
Ministers said they wanted to avoid a terror attack, but a visa centre for Ukrainians in Calais was opened 70 miles from the town.
Unlikely war hero Volodymyr Zelensky echoed Churchill and Shakespeare in an impassioned address to the UK Parliament.
“We will not give up and we will not lose,” the ex-comedian said. “We will fight to the end.”
Chancellor Rishi Sunak (who?) announced he would cut National Insurance - after, erm, raising it - in his Spring Statement.
And he promised to cut Income Tax from 20p to 19p - two years down the line. He’s no longer saying that’ll happen.
P&O Ferries brazenly sacked 800 staff over a Zoom call - with its boss later admitting the firm “chose” to break the law.
And a departing counter-fraud minister revealed Covid loans went on sports cars and “suitcases of cash leaving the country”.
April
The tide of cost-of-living woe rose fast as inflation warnings hit 9% and energy bills rose by £693 a year overnight.
As council tax hikes kicked in too, the PM admitted people “obviously are going to face choices” between heating and eating.
£115k minister Kit Malthouse complained the crisis was hitting him ‘very significantly’, while sitting in front of a roaring fire.
As he neared 1,000 days in office Boris Johnson was fined £50 over his ‘ambushed by cake’ birthday party during lockdown.
It made him the first PM to be sanctioned by police for breaking the law - but he got off the hook over other No10 gatherings.
It emerged Rishi Sunak’s wife was a non-dom, helping her avoid UK tax on overseas income - until she U-turned due to pressure.
At a Kent airport, Boris Johnson announced he’d put refugees on a one-way flight to Rwanda before they could claim asylum.
When the Archbishop of Canterbury branded it “opposite of the nature of God”, the PM moaned he should criticise Putin instead.
A crackdown on noisy and disruptive protests finally passed after bitter year-long fight, leading to claims of a “police state”.
And Labour’s Angela Rayner blasted a sexist article that said she distracted Boris Johnson by crossing and uncrossing her legs, like in the film Basic Instinct.
May
Tory Neil Parish resigned for watching porn in the Commons in a “moment of madness” after looking up a Dominator tractor.
Tories lost control of 12 councils and about 400 seats in England in a local elections humiliation.
Labour gained more than 200 seats and half a dozen councils including London’s Wandsworth - the Tory ‘jewel in the crown’.
Sue Gray’s final Partygate report revealed wine on the walls, vomiting, a fight and a “lack of respect” for cleaners and security.
As police completed 126 fines, the PM told people to “move on” but Keir Starmer said he’d set the bar “lower than a snake’s belly”.
The Privileges Committee starting probing if Boris Johnson lied, after a photo showed him with fizz at a party he denied existed.
Keir Starmer staked his career on police sparing him over a lockdown beer he had a year earlier, which they eventually did.
M&S said food prices could rocket 10% as the governor of the Bank of England said inflation was looking “apocalyptic”.
Boris Johnson replied he would “of course” announce more help for bills - in a few months.
Naturally, 15 days later he unveiled £400 off bills, £650 for benefit claimants, £300 for pensioners and £150 for disabled people.
Boris Johnson’s deputy admitted only “hundreds” of refugees would go to Rwanda, despite the PM’s “tens of thousands” boast.
And rail union members voted for the first in a wave of strikes, warning blackouts and empty shelves were a realistic prospect.
June
Britain’s turmoil went into overdrive as Tories finally triggered a no-confidence vote in Boris Johnson - but he won 211-148.
As 41% of his MPs lost all faith in him, his loyal allies threw their toys out of the pram.
Nadine Dorries told Jeremy Hunt in a Twitter strop: “You’ve been wrong about almost everything, you are wrong again now."
The PM’s woes worsened as his advisor Lord Geidt quit over a string of No10 scandals.
European judges struck down the first Rwanda deportation flight as even Prince (remember him?) Charles slammed the plan.
The future King had a terse 15-minute, 10-second cuppa with the PM in Rwanda after he was said to have branded it “appalling”.
Boris Johnson was clambering out of a hotel pool when Cabinet member Oliver Dowden quit over two by-election losses.
Undeterrred by losing Tiverton to the Lib Dems and Wakefield to Labour, he told the Mirror he wanted to stay on to the mid-2030s.
And he published long-awaited plans to rip up parts of the Brexit deal he signed in 2020 - enraging rivals in Brussels.
He joshed with fellow G7 leaders at a Bavaria barbecue and took a dip in a mountain late, seemingly on top of the world.
Briefly, the most sick-making thing in Westminster was Dominic Raab winking at Angela Rayner in PMQs. Not for long.
July
The globetrotting Telfon PM was finally brought down by someone else’s sex scandal, not his own.
Tory Chris Pincher was accused of groping two men - and No10 falsely claimed the PM was not aware of “any allegations” when he made the MP Deputy Chief Whip.
No10 admitted Mr Johnson was aware of “some allegations” as it was claimed he’d joked: "Pincher by name, pincher by nature”.
In a dynamite letter Sir Simon McDonald, an ex-mandarin, said: “No10 keep changing their story and are still not telling the truth”.
Health Secretary Sajid Javid pushed the domino chain by resigning and Chancellor Rishi Sunak followed him moments later.
More than 50 Tories quit government - while the defiant PM sat discussing defence cash and the supply of “liquid milk” at a surreal Liaison Committee hearing.
During the session an MP broke the news that a “delegation” of ministers was waiting in No10 to tell him time was up.
The next day Mr Johnson finally agreed, saying “when the herd moves, it moves”. But he later suggested he’d return saying “hasta la vista”, which means see ya later.
Reshuffled Michelle Donelan spent just 48 hours as Education Secretary, and had to clarify she wouldn’t take a £17k payoff.
Despite years of prepping by posing in a tank, Liz Truss had a faltering start in the Tory leadership contest.
Rishi Sunak led, wearing £490 Prada loafers on a building site and saying he was too “perfect” in front of a mis-spelt sign.
While Suella Braverman and Kemi Badenoch battled for ‘anti-woke’ votes, centre-right Tom Tugendhat ’s “clean start” sign appeared as “TART” on TV.
Beating Penny Mordaunt by eight MPs, Liz Truss predicted the future by tweeting she was “ready to hit the ground from day one”.
August
The Tory leadership runoff lasted all summer, where just 142,000 Conservatives decided Britain’s next PM.
Liz Truss played to the base by claiming Rishi Sunak was “talking the UK into a recession” and attacking the “left-wing” media.
She U-turned over cutting public sector pay outside London, and claimed she was in Derbyshire while in Gloucestershire.
And she branded Nicola Sturgeon an “attention seeker” wile saying the “jury’s out” on whether Macron was a friend or foe.
In retaliation Ms Sturgeon revealed the future PM had used a chat at a climate summit to ask how she could get into Vogue.
And wounded Dominic Raab branded Ms Truss’s economic plans a “suicide note”.
Boris Johnson made the most of his final days with two holidays in one month, including a ‘soothing energy’ villa in Slovenia.
While the Tories sold access to their next Chancellor for £2,990 a head, it emerged energy bills would skyrocket over £3,500.
The PM said action to cut these bills was for his successor, and Brits had to “endure a tough winter” to keep supporting Ukraine.
If that wasn’t enough like pulling teeth, it emerged desperate Brits were turning to ‘DIY dentistry’ and pulling out their own teeth.
Keir Starmer unveiled a £29billion plan to cap bills for six months over the winter if Labour was in power.
September
Liz Truss was named PM on just 80,000 Tories’ votes and purged Rishi Sunak loyalists from the Cabinet.
She marked her victory with an awkward, 390-word speech promising to “ride out the storm”, which of course she didn’t.
And she made closest ally Therese Coffey deputy PM. The top Tory’s Dr Dre alarm then duly went off in live interviews.
After weeks of spurning “handouts” Liz Truss’s first act was to cap average energy bills at £2,500 a year until April 2024.
But two days after appointing her at Balmoral the Queen died, plunging Westminster into national mourning.
The unsteady PM spoke to empty Downing Street dressed all in black, as sombre events flattened her ‘new PM bounce’.
Within days of returning she announced her mini-Budget, a disastrous experiment in ‘trickle-down’ tax cuts for the rich.
Journalists gasped as her aides merrily boasted the 45p Income Tax cut would hand 660,000 people £10,000 each.
Markets hit a tailspin as hapless Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng boasted of “more to come”, leading to a Bank of England bailout.
The PM broke a week-long silence with BBC local radio interviewers, who asked her: “What on earth were you thinking?”
As Tories were left agog by £72billion of borrowing to push for ‘growth’, Labour enjoyed its calmest conference in years.
Red rosette-wearers sang God Save the King without incident and stunning polls put the party on leads of up to 33 points.
Keir Starmer declared: “This is a Labour moment.” But members backed changing the voting system in a headache to come.
October
Labour lawyer Emily Thornberry apologised after she was caught driving at 81mph - by her own Instagram post.
But that was a prang compared to the car crash of Tory conference.
Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng dashed off from a dinner to stage the first big U-turn, ditching the 45p Income Tax cut.
Home Secretary Suella Braverman did her Martin Luther King impression, boasting of her “dream” to deport migrants to Rwanda.
Greenpeace protesters declared “who voted for this?” during the PM’s speech. Outside was an ad for the “world’s biggest panto”.
But the Truss miniseries finale really began when Mr Kwarteng found out he was being sacked on the way back from an airport.
The Daily Star began a live feed of a 60p iceberg lettuce in a blond wig to see if it would outlast her. It did.
Liz Truss refused to quit in a terse nine-minute press conference, before new Chancellor Jeremy Hunt junked the mini-Budget.
By Monday, Penny Mourdaunt was insisting there "has not been a coup" adding: "The Prime Minister is not under a desk!"
By Tuesday, Tory MP Robert Largan had written a 375-word article about “dumpster fires”.
On Wednesday, after Ms Truss said she was a “fighter not a quitter”, Home Secretary Suella Braverman quit over a data breach.
But the final straw came that night in chaotic Commons scenes.
MPs were told a fracking vote was a ‘vote of confidence’ in Liz Truss’s government - then told it wasn’t, with minutes to spare.
Whips wept as a Tory MP told us their government were ‘f***ing c***s’. It took No10 hours to work out if there was a Chief Whip.
Doomed Liz Truss announced she’d go the next day, triggering a one-weekend leadership contest that crowned Rishi Sunak.
Boris Johnson dashed back from a Caribbean holiday and £276k cashing-in speech to launch a chaotic bid for the crown.
But he pulled out at 9pm on the Sunday - making an idiot of Nadhim Zahawi, whose article backing him was published… at 9pm.
Mr Sunak gave a limp 86-second first speech then reappointed Suella Braverman, days after she broke the Ministerial Code.
November
Shameless love rat Matt Hancock announced he’d be going on I’m a Celebrity when his plane was already halfway to Australia.
The sheep’s vagina munching Tory lost the whip after abandoning his constituents and breached the Ministerial Code, and is now expected to leave politics.
Rishi Sunak set out what he stands for, except it turned out he didn’t know, as No10 said all his summer policies were up for review.
The austerity Autumn Statement announced billions of pounds in cuts and stealth tax rises, confirming the UK was in recession.
A ‘weak’ PM pulled a housebuilding vote and compromised on wind farms to stop Tory revolts.
As Iceland’s boss said a pint of milk could hit £1, it turned out the PM was registered with a £250-a-session private GP.
Migrants crossing the Channel faced a crisis as thousands ended up in torrid conditions at Manston, an old airport in Kent.
Home Secretary Suella Braverman - still not sacked despite her breach - ‘helped’ by visiting in a Chinook military helicopter.
Rishi Sunak stood by her and Dominic Raab, his deputy PM who faced bullying claims.
But Gavin Williamson resigned over hectoring texts, and claims he told an aide to ‘slit your throat’ and said he ‘owned’ a Tory MP.
As talk turned to the next election, Nicola Sturgeon vowed to make it a ‘de facto’ Scottish independence vote.
The Supreme Court ruled she could not have a new referendum without Westminster’s permission.
December
Long-rumbling strikes over pay exploded into a winter of discontent, as nurses and paramedics walked out.
Tory efforts to blame workers fell flat as Border Force, DWP, driving examiners, railway and Royal Mail staff all downed tools too.
Health minister Will Quince bizarrely told people to avoid “risky activities” like driving or “contact sport” during the 999 walkout.
And more strike dates are set to follow with junior doctors, firefighters and teachers all returning ballots within weeks.
Rishi Sunak stood by ‘bully’-accused Dominic Raab despite investigators probing eight complaints about him.
But he dropped peer Michelle Mone as a firm linked to her was sued by the government for £122million over a Covid PPE deal.
She took a leave of absence from the Lords after denying claims she and her husband profited from the PPE Medpro contract.
Despite all the serious issues the Tory culture war continued - as the High Court ruled deportation flights to Rwanda were legal.
Right-winger Jonathan Gullis moaned of the Church: “I sadly think that too many people are using the pulpit to preach from."
Let’s hope he didn’t watch the Archbishop’s Christmas service, eh?
