Jolly Boris Johnson began an eight-day jaunt by comparing the Commonwealth to excrement.
The Prime Minister said the alliance of 54 nations was “a miracle fertiliser of business”.
“It’s organic, there are no phosphates, no nitrates, it won’t cause algal bloom!” he boasted.
“S***, then?”, a weary observer in Rwanda told us.
But now it’s the Tory leader’s premiership in the muck - and he’s stuck 4,000 miles from home.
He rose before 6am Rwanda time - 5am UK time - and found out the result in a smart business hotel behind roadblocks and armed police in the capital Kigali.
By 6am or so he was in the pool. Minutes after he got out at 6.15am, the PM received a phone call from Oliver Dowden confirming he would resign.
Moments after that the Tory chairman published his letter at 6.35am Rwanda time.
A party source admitted the letter - which demanded someone take responsibility - was critical of the Prime Minister.
But they said the Prime Minister was surprised by Mr Dowden’s resignation - not least, the source claimed, because the chairman had already admitted they’d lose.
The source fumed: “Oliver Dowden was there on Wednesday preparing him for PMQs - as he always is - and almost breezily running through the lines he would rehearse.
“He was due to do the morning round today in the event of us losing the by-elections, which was not a shock.
“So what changed from Wednesday morning, where Oliver was warning the PM the by-elections would be heavily lost - but he would be out on the morning round to defend them?”
As Mr Dowden pulled out of a broadcast round this morning, officials scrambled to find a jumble of loyal replacements at the last minute - including Dominic Raab and Priti Patel.
Meanwhile the PM kicked off a 7am crisis meeting with aides in Kigali, where he vowed not to leave his eight-day diplomatic trip early, and said he would not resign.
Mr Johnson told aides that if governments stood down after every bad by-election result, they wouldn’t have any post-war government that survived a full term.
The PM also spoke to Chancellor Rishi Sunak and Chief Whip Chris Heaton-Harris on the phone among others - before facing the media at 8am and vowing to “keep going”.
“He’s not going to leave, this is too important, he’s going on to the G7,” a source said. They said to skip the G7 summit would be an “abdication of responsibility” and to miss Nato in Madrid would be “ridiculous”.
Mr Dowden will not be replaced as chairman immediately, with a source saying: “There’s no rush, we don’t need a party chairman by lunchtime.”
It could take until after CHOGM, G7 and Nato.
But it’s understood the Prime Minister is not ruling out a July reshuffle. A source said “we need to think calmly and rationally” when there are not “wall to wall engagements”.
Allies of the Prime Minister still furiously blame the Partygate scandal - broken by the Mirror - for many of Boris Johnson’s woes.
A Tory source complained “the noise has been a lot louder about parties with a lot of misreporting” - while the PM was trying to focus “almost myopically” on the economy, cost of living, housing, immigration and care.
“I don’t think feeding people a diet of Partygate helps them understand what this government is going,” the source fumed. “There is a perception and reality problem that has dominated a lot of this year.”
They said in the context of government work, “the endless reportage and kremlinology of Partygate is nonsense if you choose to still go on and on and on about it.”
Despite insisting the Prime Minister does not blame the media the source complained: “Whenever he starts to spell out a policy story he’s interrupted.”
But Tory MPs will demand the PM takes responsibility - as Oliver Dowden said in his letter.
A Tory source insisted: “He doesn’t disagree that somebody needs to take responsibility, he’s taken responsibility for the overall direction of the government.
“But these were by-elections in particularly difficult circumstances. The events that led to the by-elections being called were less than ideal.
“And governments in mid-term, particularly when they’ve been in power for more than one term, tend to lose by-elections mid-term. It’s not extraordinary.”
After Boris Johnson returns from three summits next Thursday, his first appearance in Parliament is set to be to report on his time in Rwanda, Germany and Madrid.
A close ally insisted the PM did not fear a coup while he was away - pointing out it’s nearly 11 months until MPs can hold another no-confidence vote.
But the 1922 Committee could shorten that to six months.
And after today’s extraordinary results - including the worst by-election defeat in history - claiming it’s “not extraordinary” may not be enough.
