Cruising for the first time ever on the largest cruise ship in the world requires a bit of a learning curve.
That's a learning curve, however, that Royal Caribbean fully understands, and Icon of the Seas, the latest ship to claim that title, gives passengers a variety of ways to become acclimated.
You could, of course, familiarize yourself with the ship's layout before you board. Passengers don't need to memorize where everything is, but you can learn some important touchpoints, like the locations of the pool decks, the bar you want to try, the main dining room, and your cabin.
Related: Carnival Cruise Line makes key beverage package change
Even if you don't do this homework, Royal Caribbean posts staff around the ship on embarkation day wearing T-shirts or carrying placards that read "how can I help?" There are also stations for dining questions and reservations, internet problems and shore excursions, and the Guest Services counter usually has people coming into the line triaging problems.
Yes, it all can be overwhelming, but when the elevators have pictures of the highlights of every deck and hundreds of people are offering to help you, you're not likely to stay overwhelmed unless you choose to.
Gary Shteyngart, a writer for the Atlantic magazine tasked with spending a week on the inaugural sailing of Icon of the Seas, boarded the ship prepared to hate the experience. And as you would expect, he wrote a story that shows his contempt for anyone uncool enough to be able to have fun in a space designed for exactly that.
Image source: Daniel Kline/TheStreet
A cruise writing cliche
Early in his article Shteyngart notes that the "author embarks on his first cruise ship voyage" and then mocks it has been a sort of literary subgenre. He cited David Foster Wallace's "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" as the standard-bearer for the idea of sending an older (in his case 51) writer on a cruise, ostensibly so they can not have a good time and then question all other people who did.
Not everyone likes cruising. Some people don't like the idea of not being able to leave while others fear motion sickness. Some want to spend more time in a destination than a cruise-ship stay enables. Others prefer solitude, the woods, or a city.
Cruising might have broad appeal, but even Taylor Swift and ice cream have people who say "That's not for me."
You may not love cruising or become a frequent cruiser, but a journalist — even a travel writer being asked to share his opinion — should board the ship without already having his elitist one-liners written. Shteyngart boarded the ship not for an honest attempt to try something outside his comfort zone but to try to back up his suspicions that cruisers are uncultured rubes.
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Cruising is about people
After asking a crew member for help, Shteyngart finds his room (an interior suite overlooking the Surfside family neighborhood), and before he ventures out, he shares his clear contempt for people who cruise.
He notes that he's prepared for people who "don't comply with modern [diversity-equity-inclusion] standards" and he dons a T-shirt bought for the occasion that reads "Daddy's Little Meatball."
Wearing a T-shirt as a conversation starter on a cruise ship. especially when you're not an extrovert, can work. I've inadvertently met other fans of Buffalo Tom (a Boston band of mild fame) by doing that, but if I put on a Celtics jersey and head to the sports bar, well, that's probably going to work better.
It was a failed gambit by Shteyngart, who said he was ignored, blaming it on him not wearing a hat bearing the logo of a football team. Because, of course, the regular people who like football and cruises can't possibly connect with a pretentious writer from New York.
Cruising and making friends can be a challenge for people not used to talking with strangers. Royal Caribbean tries to help by offering solo-cruiser get-togethers, and many frequent cruisers make an effort to be inclusive.
Shteyngart made clear that he hated the food and being on a ship, and that he felt ignored by his fellow passengers. That, however, may be where his hipster scorn betrays some real humanity. He used the word "shy" to describe his inability to connect with anyone.
He did speak with lots of people, but his judgment of them prevented him from making any real connection. Many of the people you meet on a cruise aren't like you, but there's the general common ground of liking being on a ship, drinking in a bar, relaxing in a pool, or whatever it might be.
To make connections, you have to be open to them and you have to accept that not every person it's fun to have a drink with will be a lifelong friend. Those friendships do happen, however, and I now count among my closest friends people I probably would not have met anywhere except on a cruise ship.
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Shteyngart's failure to connect with people isn't about Icon of the Seas, his inexperience on a boat, or even his clear scorn for everything. Had his T-shirt read, "I'm shy, but say hello," I suspect his experience would have been very different.
Cruising is community (if you want it)
"This whole thing is a cult," he wrote as he was attempting to explain how Royal Caribbean's top-tier loyalty program members get special perks. In many ways he's right — in the same way that watching the U.S. Women's National Team play for the World Cup in a bar filled with strangers or seeing your favorite band play makes everyone in the room aligned.
Cruising does that in a very welcoming way.
It's a cult where many of the people onboard simply like cruising. Royal Caribbean, with Icon of the Seas, has taken what people love and given them more of it.
You can sit quietly in the tranquility of Central Park at night (a literal park on a cruise ship but an area Shteyngart dismisses as "another mall") or surround yourself with people.
Shteyngart dismissed cruising as beneath him because how could he ever find someone with refined hipster tastes like his on something as ordinary as a cruise ship? That's his pretension, not reality.
I've talked literature and indie cinema on cruise ships and I've talked great barbecue and pro wrestling.
I'm pretty sure Shteyngart and I share lots of interests, as at times I'm a pretentious New Yorker (I used to live in a hip Brooklyn neighborhood).
And if he wants to experience cruising without judgment, I welcome him to come cruise with me and open himself to being part of a community that's diverse, open and welcoming.
Related: Get the best cruise tips, deals, and news on the ships from our expert cruiser
