What’s the best way to support a friend who has had a life-shattering, traumatic accident? I didn’t have a clue when my friend Martha had a catastrophic car crash 20 years ago, broke 26 bones, had a stroke, and suffered serious internal injuries. It wasn’t clear whether she was going to live, or, if she did survive, how radically her life was going to be restricted by her injuries.
None of her friends knew how to handle the situation. In the first few weeks, we muddled along. When I visited a few days after she had been moved out of intensive care, I was alarmed to find her looking absolutely her normal, smiley self, except horizontal and unable to move. I got most things wrong that afternoon. Panicking, I embarked on a long story about a friend of a friend who had broken her spine and eventually recovered – but I didn’t get to the happy ending because a nurse interrupted to say that I needed to stop talking about depressing things. Martha was thirsty, but her arms weren’t working, so I lifted a glass with a straw to her mouth, and ended up spilling water over her.
