Although Gareth Southgate was always clear that he would finish his current job either on an open-top bus parade or banished to the Tower of London, he probably didn’t have the indignity of being pelted with plastic beer cups on his personal bingo card of humiliations inflicted on England managers.
He’s been here before, of course, donning a cardboard box in an ill-advised pizza commercial to indicate his remorse at missing that Euro 96 penalty. And just as when stepping up to take that penalty in the semi-final against Germany when more technically-gifted players shirked the challenge, sometimes Southgate’s sense of national duty does seem to take on a masochistic streak.
He didn’t need to walk over to thank England fans, a mercurial bunch at the best of times, on Tuesday night in Cologne and must have been aware that a tepid 0-0 draw wouldn’t necessarily provoke scenes of rapturous gratitude.
“I’m not going to back down from going over and thanking the fans who were brilliant during the game,” he said later.
Southgate espouses an admirable old-fashioned Englishness, reminiscent of the Royal Marine grandfather he so admired growing up. But sometimes it leads to injudicious forays.
“The best coaches amplify their strengths and minimise their weaknesses - right now, Southgate is doing the reverse”
All England managers go here. The old Wembley stadium unhelpfully located its dressing rooms under the terraces at one end of the ground, meaning a losing England manager had to walk 60-70 metres along the perimeter track, enduring the jeers of a baying mob before he reached the sanctuary of the tunnel. This is how it ended for Sir Alf Ramsey, the greatest of all, castigated on that walk of shame in 1973.
Amid all of this, Southgate needs to get back to basics. Not tactically so much, though Cole Palmer and Kobbie Mainoo are a good start. Now just tell Jude Bellingham to get back in his box.
Tactics have never been Southgate’s strength, but he succeeded where coaches, such as Sven Goran Eriksson and Fabio Capello, failed because he transformed culture around England. Or at least he had until now. The best coaches amplify their strengths and minimise their weaknesses. Right now, Southgate is doing the reverse.
When Southgate took over the job full time in 2017, the first message he delivered to the players was showing them videos of the Great British public joyously welcoming back the 2016 Olympic heroes. He then told the England players that a previous Olympic team in 1996 had slunk back into Heathrow in shame, so badly had they performed.
“Why shouldn’t we change our story, like the Olympians did?” he asked them. “Can we make the country proud?” They answered that emphatically at Russia 2018 and almost found themselves in the World Cup final. Prior to Euros in 2021, the famous Dear England open letter Southgate penned to the nation stated that the ultimate goal was “how we bring people together, how we create memories that last beyond the summer. If we can do that it will be a summer to be proud of”.
Because the quality of the players available to him is far superior to 2018, the message is much more about winning being the only thing.
“If we don’t win, I probably won’t be here anymore,” said Southgate in the run-up to this summer. “It might be the last chance.”
And this is elite, competitive football not primary school sports day. But as he surveyed the angry faces in Cologne, Southgate may have reflected on just how far he has strayed from his original mantra of making memories. There is nothing good we will recall about England’s group games in 10 years’ time.
It is counter-intuitive, but the less England have worried about winning under Southgate, the more they have look like doing so. This isn’t a plea to throw off the handbrake. Only well-structured teams with solid defences win major tournaments.
But Southgate needs to rediscover players who look like they’re enjoying themselves. The most-gloriously swashbuckling Euro champions of all were the 1984 France team, inspired by Michel Platini, Alain Giresse and Jean Tigana.
Their coach Michel Hidalgo once said: “The most beautiful image of football is that of the childhood game practised by boys aged eight to 14. By 15, 16 one begins to calculate, to play like grown-ups. You lose that generosity and innocence.”
England perform like a bunch of sulky 16-year-olds forced to play under duress. Southgate was the ultimate mojo man but has lost his magic. England need to forget about winning Euro 24. If they could do that, they might just win the damn thing.
