Hayley Denniss is taking the days one at a time, but she has been crying at least once a week.
Her dad, Ian, is recovering from intense surgery to treat the cancer in his pancreas that the doctors found in August. He doesn't show it, but she can tell that the sickness is weighing on him. He is staring down the barrel of a six-month barrage of chemotherapy, beginning in the next few weeks, and though the prognosis is good, it has been another blow for the Singleton family in a year that has left them battered.
Mr Denniss' mother died a fortnight after she was diagnosed with the same cancer a little over a decade ago. It is one of the most aggressive forms of the disease, and the statistics are chilling.
When he was told that his abdominal pain was probably a case of pancreatitis, the word landed on him and his family like a dreadful stone. His mother had been told that the pain in her hip was probably arthritis before it was found that the same cancer had spread there. It was only days later that she was gone.
A hard road followed: further scans, a biopsy, the feared confirmation, and hours of surgery to remove Mr Denniss' spleen and half of his pancreas.
Hayley's mum, Patsy, has been a bedrock of strength and stepped into the breach to support her husband, four children and grandchildren. If Mr Denniss had always been the hardened former truck driver turned Hunter miner who bore the responsibilities of his family and provided for them, his wife was the sensitive soul.
In August 2007, when she was 38, Mrs Denniss suffered a sudden and serious heart attack in the small hours of the morning. Mr Denniss, who had coincidentally only just completed his first aid training at work, phoned for an Ambulance and performed CPR on his wife until the paramedics arrived. It saved her life. Now, their daughter says, it is as if the roles are reversed, and her mother is saving him.
"She is struggling," Hayley said. "He is the love of her life, and she has to watch him struggling. Dad has always been a very active person, and we have to tell him that he can't do anything. He can't help himself; he has to be moving all the time."
In the darkest moments, Hayley sees how her dad is trying to hold it together for his family - how he works through the quiet emotional moments when the grandchildren come around. Hayley has been trying to start a family of her own, but it has been hard. IVF has been unsuccessful, and she has lost a child in the last year.
Her voice breaks. "I want him to be around to see my children, but I'm struggling to have children. We try to be positive, but you still have those thoughts running through your head, wanting your loved ones to be here and to share in everything you do in your life.
"When you go through things like this, you realise that time is limited and you have to make the most of every moment. If you want to do something, don't wait for it."
The close local family have faced more adversity than most but are coping with humour in their darkest hours. When the discussion turns to Mr Denniss' chemotherapy, his children joke that at least he does not have to worry about losing his hair.
"He's bald," Hayley said. "There's a lot of jokes going on. As a family, we cope with humour ... we're all trying to stay positive because it's good for our mindset.
"I think sometimes, the hardest part is that you have to get on with life. There are still bills to pay."
Hayley and her family will join the hundreds expected to walk in solidarity at Nobbys Beach on Sunday morning to raise funds and awareness of pancreatic cancer treatment and prevention and were hoping to raise $2000 to support the cause. By Tuesday afternoon, they had surpassed the goal.
They want to see more attention paid to early intervention - to urge men, particularly, to come forward for checks when something is wrong and ask for testing when they speak to their doctors.
"We had been through it before," Hayley said of her dad's diagnosis. "It was that awareness and understanding of how quickly it can take a life. It is happening again, and we want to spread that awareness.
"You know your body best, and you know your family history best. If something doesn't feel right, push for those tests."
The walk will coincide with Mr and Mrs Denniss' 34th wedding anniversary, and Hayley said being surrounded by family and friends over the weekend will rally their spirits. She is proud of her family and the way that they have shouldered the trauma of an awful year, how they have found an unexpected and fierce resilience in the face of the worst.
"I have realised that we are pretty resilient," she said. "It has been hard, but we are resilient, and we try to stay positive and focused on getting through each day. Sometimes, it is dealing with each day as it comes - you have your good days, and sometimes you have your bad days.
"Dad is not a man that likes to make a fuss," she said. "He just has a daughter who makes a fuss for him."
The Put Your Foot Down Newcastle Walk begins at Nobbys Beach Reserve at 9am on Sunday, September 15. It will cover a distance of five kilometres on a pet-friendly route. Registrations are open and can be lodged at the event's website, putyourfootdown.org.au/newcastle.
The Denniss family's fundraiser, 'Google's Gang', named for Mr Denniss' nickname, can be found on the event's website.
About Topics:
- Topics is the Newcastle Herald's daily column exploring stories that shape the unique cultural identity of Newcastle, its suburbs, and the Hunter region. Simon McCarthy is a Herald journalist and feature writer covering culture, local news, and community issues in the region since 2017. He has been the Topics correspondent since 2023. Contact the writer via email. To read more from Topics, visit the Herald's opinion section.
