Benjamin Michael was at the height of his real estate career before he became debilitatingly ill.
“It was quite a dark period for me in my life,” the 24-year-old told The Independent in New York City recently.
In six months during the pandemic, Michael lost over 50 pounds. He developed an inability to properly digest food, which then, even after medical treatment, evolved into extreme cibophobia — an intense fear of food.
“The constant eating [of] food and then becoming ill made me develop a very serious, life-threatening fear of food itself,” Michael explained. “So if someone put food in front of me, if I was to go out to a restaurant, which was very rare, I would have instant panic attacks.”
Michael began carrying a bottle of Pepto-Bismol everywhere, fearing he would get sick in public, even as he largely stopped eating altogether. The constant worry consumed him and took a drastic toll on his physical and mental health. He remembered thinking he could subsist on just juice and crackers, but the rate at which he continued to shed weight was not sustainable.
“I vividly remember to this day not being able to walk to the end of my street... I did not have the stamina or strength,” he said.
“My doctors said to me at the time, ‘Look, if you don't start to do something now, we don't know next month if you'll be here,’” Michael recalled.
“I think having that happen to you puts your body into fight or flight mode and for me, instead of fight or flight, it was fight or die. That was the reality. And I chose to fight.”
Ironically, the only thing that seemed to comfort Michael during this time was baking — specifically, cinnamon rolls.
“I traveled to the States a lot when I was younger, and I used to always buy cinnamon rolls when I came over here because I know they're such a big thing,” Michael explained. “That for me was a comfort food. It was very much something that made me feel safe.”
By adopting a vegan diet, Michael slowly managed to overcome his food phobia, while also experimenting in his kitchen with different cinnamon roll recipes and flavors. Encouraged by his family, he turned that passion into a business.
Initially opening in London, and now with a storefront in New York City’s bustling West Village, Benji’s Buns is booming. He’s experimented with over 70 flavors, both sweet and savory, across his shops.
While Michael considers himself fortunate to have recovered from his illnesses, he knows others aren’t as lucky. It’s estimated that 30 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. In the U.K., about 1.25 million people are currently living with an eating disorder, per Beat Eating Disorders.
One of those, he revealed, is his own mother, who suffers from “severe anorexia.”
“I think definitely it made it harder when I did get ill because it's one thing for yourself to have an eating disorder,” he said, “but when one of your parents has it as well, it's like, how can they help you [when] they themselves are powerless.”
Despite his own lived experiences, both growing up and as an adult, Michael has found comfort in baking.
“A lot of people did turn to baking [during the pandemic], and they were people who've never baked anything in their lives,” he said. “For me, cinnamon rolls were that comfort food. I know in America that for millions and millions of families, cinnamon rolls are that comfort food as well, so it was very much turning something negative into something positive and sort of showing like the phoenix from the ashes, so to speak.
“I feel that having this business, I was reborn basically from being near death to now thriving.”
For anyone struggling with the issues raised in this article, eating disorder charity Beat’s helpline is available 365 days a year on 0808 801 0677. NCFED offers information, resources and counselling for those suffering from eating disorders, as well as their support networks. Visit eating-disorders.org.uk or call 0845 838 2040.
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