A pregnant woman who says she's had a 'rough past' with her own mother says she feels let down by her again after she broke the news of her pregnancy to her dad against her wishes. The 35-year-old woman, who already has an eight-year-old son, says her mum has 'a history of going against [her] wishes', and apparently sees nothing wrong with this sort of behaviour as 'she’s an adult and can do what she wants'.
The family tends to just 'put up' with the way the mother is as she had a difficult childhood and hasn't had any help to deal with her own trauma. The expectant mum has found ways to cope by moving away and remaining low contact but does make sure they meet once a month so her mother can spend time with her grandchild.
Taking to Reddit, where she goes by the username u/n3v3rsayd1e, the unnamed woman wrote: "A few weeks ago, she was at my house and found a pregnancy test, and asked me about it.
"I confirmed that I was very newly pregnant and didn’t want to tell anyone else because it was VERY early. I explicitly asked her not to tell my Dad because I wanted to be there when he found out, and I knew he would immediately tell everyone else he knows. She agreed and said she understood completely."
Yesterday, she told her mother that everything was looking good with the pregnancy, and so she would be comfortable letting her father in on her happy news. Unfortunately, it emerged her mum had already told her dad the other week.
Worst of all, her mum just couldn't understand why she was so upset, despite having been told explicitly to wait before sharing the news.
She continued:" I. Am. Livid. Not only did she take away that moment with me and my Dad, but she has no understanding of why that was not okay or why I would be hurt.
"Here’s where I may be wrong: In a month we are supposed to go away for the weekend with her and my son. I cannot trust her to take him by herself because she gives him things he’s not medically allowed to have and completely ignores me when I try to set boundaries. This was kind of a final straw moment for me and I really do not want to go."
Although she feels guilty for denying her son the weekend trip, she also feels her mother has broken her trust yet again, and shouldn't be able to just get away with it. Unsure what to do next, she reached out to fellow Reddit users for their thoughts on the matter.
One person advised: "Cancel it. If you go on holiday you are basically telling her it's okay for her to do what she did. And, also, if she does not respect your boundaries and wishes related to your son to the point you can't let her unsupervised for long with him, it shows your boundaries are not being respected at all. I would consider this when talking to her again."
Another commented: "Sounds like the narcissist prayer really. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
"Don't trust your kid around her because she will always place the blame on someone else if something goes wrong."
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