Look, I don't ask for much in life. I'm the sort of person that's quite happy with a little house in the suburbs, a brilliant gaming PC, and the odd cold pint of beer. But if someone, anyone, is looking to buy me a luxury holiday gift this year, I'd like to add one large item to my wishlist.
Wayne Enterprises Experience is offering ten honest-to-goodness Batmobiles for pre-order, built by Action Vehicle Engineering, and I'll be honest with you here, it's the thing my heart desires most in life (via The Register). While the Nolan Batman films varied in quality, one thing I think we can all agree on is "The Tumbler" Batmobile design was cool as hell—and now it looks to be a reality, I'd be a fool not to put my hand up for one.
All you'd need to spend is a mere $2.9 million dollars. I know that's not exactly chump change, but look what's being offered for the money: It's powered by a 6.2L LS3 525 HP V8 engine, features a paddle-shift transmission, and includes "advanced software upgrades" (whatever that means), a smoke-screen delivery system, and imitation gun turrets. Be still, my ever-aging heart.
The weight is estimated to be 5,511 lbs (1,387 lbs less than a top-spec Cybertruck, I hasten to add), and it's made of a combination of kevlar, carbon fibre and fibreglass with an aeronautical-grade steel frame. Plus it's got disc brakes all-round—which is the sort of detail I love added to the spec sheet of a Batmobile. What else was it supposed to have, drum brakes? A boat anchor? Anyway, let's continue.
I haven't even got to the interior yet, which is described as "authentic...with bespoke seating trim" and features a digital dashboard, "premium GPS", one-way mirrored glass screens and a two-seat configuration. It's only available in left hand drive though, which is a bit of a downer for someone living in the UK, but I think it matters not.
Those huge wheels should have no problem running over the top of cars ahead of me, and if I owned one of these I would make it my business to ensure I became the biggest traffic violation possible. Yes, it's very unlikely to meet road safety standards, err, anywhere, but who's realistically going to pull over Batman?
Everyone knows he's out there fighting for justice, so I think we can all agree we should let the man continue on his path of morally dubious destruction.
My only slight hesitation (ok, perhaps it's a large hesitation) is that all this seems a little bit too good to be true. I can't quite shake the feeling that the end result might not live up to expectations when it's eventually heaved off the back of a truck onto your front lawn.
Oh, and it doesn't shoot flames. But hey, in this one specific instance I'll put aside my hard-hewn scepticism and take a punt. All I need is the cash. So again, friends, relatives, oligarchs, should you be reading, sign me up now. I promise I'll never ask for anything ever again.
