A nan started singing after she was diagnosed with an incurable condition
Brenda and Robin Baynes, 77 and 76, didn't like each other when they first met as teenagers in Kirkby, but they "fell in love" and have been married for 58 years. Six decades since they first met, Robin, now 76, still feels "happiness" when he remembers standing on the deck of a boat on the Mersey, with music and dancing in the background, staring up at the stars next to Brenda in her green lamé dress.
The couple sofa-surfed with their baby for three years before getting their first bedsit, later buying a house. After working as a joiner, Robin got into property, later setting up New Start, a not-for-profit providing residential and supported accommodation for homeless people. Brenda was his "right-hand man" running the company and children's health charity Liverpool Heartbeat.
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Three kids, nine grandkids and four great grandkids later, the couple are still together. Robin, originally from Walton, said: "She's been a very loving wife and a very loving parent, grandparent and great grandparent. She's got a lovely nature. We've never fallen out in all our 60 years. The day we got married, I vowed I would never argue."
Despite all this time together, Robin never knew Brenda could sing until after a shock diagnosis when she fainted at the hairdresser 10 years ago. A memory test and brain scan revealed a mini stroke "had destroyed part of her memory cells". Robin said: "The doctor apologised and said to me, 'Your wife's got vascular dementia'."
The condition, affecting an estimated 150,000 people in the UK, reduces life expectancy, with memory, motor and mood problems deteriorating in times, sometimes "in sudden steps", according to the NHS. Robin didn't know she could sing until she was diagnosed, after which she started singing songs from the 1950s and 1960s with a "lovely voice". He said: "Any 50s song that comes on, she can sing, she knows all the words."
To make the most of their time together, Robin and Brenda started going on holidays to Bali, Las Vegas, and Australia with a stopover in Fiji. But Brenda lost more of her memory with each mini stroke she suffered.
At first, she'd just forget things at the shop, but this progressed to getting up at night for the toilet but returning to bed before she'd actually been, or getting lost on walks and forgetting where she lives. Robin was "nervous and terrified" driving around looking for her.
For the last four years, he did all the cooking, but this makes Brenda "upset". Robin, who lives in Formby, said: "She feels she should be doing it. She knows she's got dementia and she's embarrassed, so I try to get her to chop the chips or put peas in the pan, but the gas would get left on and the water taps would get left on. She'd put a tap on upstairs and it'd be running all day."
He added: "You've got to give loads of love, and you've got to distract your partner from what they've got. Brenda's got a five-second memory retention. We've been all around the world and she can't remember. I've got the memories for her."
Brenda's condition has "gone rapidly downhill" in the last nine months. Robin found it "very hard to live with" was getting "drained", so in February this year, he made the difficult decision to move Brenda to a care home in Southport. He left her for the first eight days to let her settle in, and to let himself recover.
She questioned where Robin had been when he returned, "but she knew that was her home". Robin said: "I've cried buckets. I know she's not going to get better, so I want to make her life as happy as I can in the situation she's in. She's in a care home, and I visit her very regularly, most days."
The 77-year-old struggles to recognise some faces, but she still knows Robin. His voice broke as he said: "As soon as I walk in, she just throws her arms around me. She always wants to kiss me and hug me and love me. You can just see the love oozing out of her eyes."
Robin felt "brilliant" when the manager at one of New Start's homes announced she, and some of its staff and residents, would do the Alzheimer's Society's Memory Walk at Aintree Racecourse on Sunday, September 4, in tribute to Brenda. Robin's GoFundMe has raised £600 for the charity so far.
The annual walks have seen half a million walkers raise more than £41m for Alzheimer's Society in over 10 years. Steve Green, the charity's area manager for Merseyside, said it's "in awe of our amazing fundraisers like Robin who go above and beyond to raise vital funds and awareness for the 32,000 people living with dementia in Merseyside and Cheshire."
Alzheimer's Society wants people of all ages and abilities "to put their best foot forward to support this vital cause". Steve said: "It has never been more important to support Alzheimer's Society's crucial work. Too many people in Merseyside are facing dementia alone without adequate support. We urgently need to find a cure, improve care and offer help and understanding for people affected."
You can visit memorywalk.org.uk to find out more about organising your own Memory Walk or taking part in Alzheimer's Society's organised events this Autumn.
You can donate to Robin's fundraiser here.
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