Wherever Melissa Sloan goes she takes her tattoo gun with her. That way, whenever she feels the need, she punches her latest dramatic design into her skin.
Her first, a name of a loved one, was done professionally 20 years ago, and the second was a picture of her beloved Kray Twins. But not many mean that much to her.
She is laughed at when she steps foot in a supermarket or takes her children for a walk in the park, as passers-by “jump away” from her. She has even been called “Crayola” while taking her children to school, but she has no regrets.
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Now, weeks after her 46-year-old half-brother paedophile Gavin Sloan was locked up for 21 years for a string of sexual offences including the rape of a child, Melissa feels it is time to share why her tattoo addiction has given her a sense of relief and solace despite everything she claims she has been through.
“I have no happy memories as a child,” the 45-year-old tells WalesOnline from her home in Knighton in Powys where she lives with her two children and her 56-year-old partner Luke. “I was passed around from pillar to post, I never met my father. And I was abused a lot by different men. It wasn’t just Gavin who abused me.”
Melissa claims Gavin, who grew up with her in the family home in Kidderminster which they shared with her late mum, Doris, touched her inappropriately and repeatedly in the bath when he was seven and she was six.
“It carried on and got worse throughout my teens,” Melissa claimed. “He would grope me and touch my bum. It carried on right into my thirties when he’d try and get me to have threesomes with him and his partner.”
Gavin Sloan, formerly of Briar Close in Minsterley near Shrewsbury, was sentenced at Shrewsbury Crown Court last month to 21 years in prison after pleading guilty to more than 30 offences including the rape of a child, possessing indecent images of children, and sexual assaults of children.
Sloan was arrested in May 2021 after officers carried out a warrant at his home address. Following searches of his home, officers discovered numerous videos containing indecent images of children, including a video of Sloan himself sexually assaulting a young child. The images had been taken between 2013 and 2021.
Detective Inspector Jo Delahay said: “This investigation has been one of the most harrowing for all involved and we welcome the sentence that has been handed to Sloan...He is a highly dangerous individual who preyed on young and vulnerable victims, and it is incomprehensible that he would commit such crimes against children and young people. Our thoughts remain with the victims and those close to them.”
Melissa found out about her half-brother’s convictions in the press and said it encouraged her to break her silence. “When I was 16 it got so bad that I left home,” she said. “It wasn’t just Gavin, mum was a drinker and I had nothing there for me. I’d never known a sports day, school runs with my mum, birthday parties - nothing.
“I would often tell mum about what he did to me but I don’t think she really believed me. I left on my own with a bag and travelled across the country - often to the Isle of Wight and the Isle of Man, where I used to meet people who’d put me up. But I was sometimes homeless.
“People often ask me why I let it [the alleged abuse] go on for so long without saying anything. But I felt so intimidated and as though it was my fault and not his.
“I can’t explain it - that’s just what happens when you’re brainwashed like I was. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I didn’t report it because I felt worthless. It messes your head up.
“I’m still scared to see him in court. That’s what’s putting me off pursuing it. But I have to try and snap out of it.”
Reading about her half-brother’s horrific crimes in recent days has brought it all back for her, she said. Her overriding feeling is “sheer anger”.
“Even after what I’ve been through I honestly didn’t think he was as evil as that,” she said. “I feel so, so angry about it. He preys on vulnerable people - he’s worse than Jimmy Savile.
“People have told me I should have spoken out earlier and I could have helped those young victims, but how could I have known what he was doing to others? I really thought I was the only one. I’m getting a lot of abuse since I started speaking publicly which I was expecting anyway.”
Melissa said she reported her allegations against Sloan to West Mercia Police in 2010 but didn’t pursue it again. “When I was 35, I made a complaint to the police, because I was worried that he would do it to someone else,” she said. “I was interviewed, but that was it. Nothing came of it, and I went away thinking that I had left it too long.”
The force confirmed it did receive a report from Melissa 12 years ago. A spokeswoman for the force said: “We can confirm that we received a report of child sexual abuse in 2010 and at the time extensive efforts were made to investigate the report.”
One of her favourite tattoos reads: “Only God can judge me.” Melissa feels it is fitting considering how many people turn their noses up at her because of her appearance.
Talking through her latest tattoos, Melissa said: “Today I got a weed leaf, which I’ve already had this week. I usually get two a week. But I’ll probably put one on at the weekend too.
“People look at me funny when I walk into a shop. I know they think I’m going to rob the place. Most cross over to the other side of the street from me when I get near them. But it’s their problem, not mine.
“You’ve got to try and laugh sometimes, haven’t you? I’m a human being at the end of the day, and inside I’m like everyone else. I’ve just been through a lot more than most.
“I have problems all the time with it [my tattoos]. Not long ago I couldn’t renew my driving licence because they didn’t believe I was the same person.
“I won’t stop with the tattoos until I’m dead. They are my fix, you know? Some people have a drink and a fag to relax and forget about life. I think my tattoos do that for me, that’s all.
“It’s a sense of relief when I put another on. Those feelings go away for a bit then. I’d only be able to go for three or four days without one.” If you'd like to stay updated on crime and punishment in Wales you can access our newsletter here.
Life is now better than it’s ever been, she says. “Yes, it is, but I’ll never be able to shake off my childhood. Things like that stay with you.
“I have my two girls who I adore and live for, and I have my partner. It’s not like a typical relationship - we don’t really have sex and I think that’s because of what happened to me. He’s more like my dad, and that’s what I need.
“I’m so protective of the kids because of what I’ve gone through. I try and keep it from them as much as I can. I might tell them a little bit in the future if they ask.
“My one daughter often says she feels sorry for me because I never had a dad. But I tell her not to feel like that, because I’m a hard-knock.”
Before her mum died in 2020 Melissa said she “made peace” with her, but she still feels she can’t move forward until her half-brother is punished for her own allegations. “I’ve had counselling but it’s just not worked for me,” Melissa explained. “I can’t shake it off until I take him back to court.
“Sometimes I think no-one is interested in my story and what has happened to me, but then I do sometimes get messages of support which mean a lot. I’ve realised how many are out there like me, fighting.
“I feel my life has been robbed and was from when I was a child. People think you can get over it and move forward, but it’s not like that. It affects your soul. I still think of all those other children too who this shouldn’t have happened to.
“My belief in myself has just been knocked out of me. But I’m hoping I’ll get there with it and I know speaking out is helping. There is still a long road ahead.”
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