A former war correspondent said he suffered so badly with long Covid he attempted to take his own life.
Former journalist and bestselling military author Antony Loveless, 55, says long Covid 'stole everything' that he and his wife 'hold dear'. He said he and his partner Claire Hooper, 53, were so physically fit before the pandemic they thought they would 'bit a bit ill for a week' if they caught Covid.
But this wasn’t the case, and the virus hit them hard at the start of 2021.
Antony said their symptoms were so bad that 'we thought we wouldn’t wake up in the morning. We thought we’d die in the night'. By that summer, he says he tried to take his own life as he 'couldn't see a way out' of the nightmarish after effects of the illness.
The Office for National Statistics estimates there are around two million people in the UK suffering from long Covid as a result of the pandemic. While some of these patients can continue to work, others have lost their careers and their lives - a condition Antony described as “like living through the worst hangover you’ve ever had every single day”.
The most common symptoms of long Covid, according to the NHS, are extreme tiredness (fatigue), feeling short of breath, loss of smell, muscle aches. Other symptoms also include brain fog, chest pain, insomnia and dizziness.
The severity of their reaction to the virus had come as a surprise to Antony given how far they were into the pandemic and because of just how fit he had been just months earlier. He told the Express: "In 2018, I was at the peak of physical fitness.
“I’ve never had any underlying health conditions, I’ve never been significantly ill, and in 2018 I became an altruistic kidney donor, so I donated a kidney to a stranger and to do that you have to be in the top 5 percent of the population fitness wise because it's elective surgery.”
Long Covid meant neither Antony nor Claire, a specialist nurse and health visitor, could work and they both lost their careers, something Antony said “sent us into a complete tailspin”.
Claire has regular trips and falls, reported the Mirror in December 2021. She has been diagnosed with Type-2 diabetes, hypertension and is being checked for a possible resurgence of a cancer she had years ago.
Ant has been diagnosed with neutropenia, a loss of white blood cells which fight bacterial infections. He has a constant case of Covid tongue, which is cratered and covered with ulcers as a result of the bacteria naturally found in mouths.
He has also been left with an autonomic disorder called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, or POTS, which affects his ability to regulate blood pressure.
He suffers light-headedness and palpitations, with regular falls. Long Covid also impairs brain function, which means people struggle to find the right words.
They both have tremors, headaches and diarrhoea on a daily basis, at the time of the 2021 report. They had lost their appetites, and Claire had lost six stone, going from a dress size 22 to a 10, while Ant had dropped almost four stone.
Antony compared long Covid to other things he’s experienced in his distinguished career. He said: “I’ve been blown up, I’ve been shot at, I’ve been stabbed, I’ve lived through an earthquake. I’m a survivor of an abusive relationship, I’ve been attacked, I’ve carried a gun for my own protection when I lived in Northern Ireland and all of that is like a walk in the park compared to long Covid."
After months without improvement, long Covid began to take not just a physical, but a psychological toll on Antony. He said: “I didn’t feel I had any value as a partner or a parent. In August 2021, I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t see a way out and as it happens I didn’t succeed.
“I’m glad I didn’t because I couldn’t see how once I’d adapted and accepted my limited status I have found a purpose.”
That purpose, said Antony, was to become a long Covid advocate and campaigner. Antony and Claire are advisors to the Stimulate UCL study and work with the charity Long Covid SOS who advise the NHS, World Health Organisation, on long Covid.
While they have a new purpose, the fact remains that long Covid and its perpetual symptoms remain. Antony said long Covid has robbed him and Claire “of who we were and we’ve had to reinvent ourselves because we can’t go out very often. Our life is the same four walls on a daily basis. I’ve come to terms with it.”
Part of the way Antony has come to terms with long Covid is through Buddha. He said: “I re-read philosophy after I tried to kill myself to find a sense of meaning, and I was reminded of a quote by Buddha. He said we can’t stop bad things happening to us, all we can do is change how we think about them and that was really powerful.”
Like other people affected by long Covid, such as the immunosuppressed, Antony says he feels forgotten by the government. He is campaigning for a government approach specifically to long Covid, slamming the pervasive feeling that 'Covid is over'.
Last week, Antony and Claire were joined by supportive campaigners and politicians as they delivered a copy of Antony’s book on living with long Covid to Prime Minister Rishi Sunak.
For confidential support call the Samaritans in the UK on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org or visit a local Samaritans branch.
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