My partner of five years has problems with premature ejaculation. He gets overexcited easily and can sometimes ejaculate before any penetration. I used to have a high sex drive and love having sex, but now I dread the disappointment. He is always willing to try to satisfy me, but I find it so disappointing and I lose interest. It’s affecting how I feel about him. He gets very insecure when we talk about it, so I can’t discuss how I feel without him thinking he’s a failure.
This condition can be treated successfully by a qualified sex therapist. Your partner simply needs to realise that he could have far more pleasure by seeking help for what is a very common issue. Try a matter-of-fact approach and educate him; despite what he probably thinks, he can learn to control his moment of ejaculation and learn to last longer – for his sake as well as yours. Sex therapists’ treatment for early ejaculation usually involves exercises that, while they can be done alone, are often best carried out with a partner, so express your willingness to support him in that way. If he agrees, it will be rewarding for both of you.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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