I used to be a huge people pleaser, but when I became seriously ill I finally learned to say no

‘I’ve learned the power that “no” holds to connect you with your true self, the self that deserves more’: Natalie Lue. Photograph: Rory Mulvey/The Observer

I’m a recovering people pleaser. Suppressing and repressing my needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions used to be as natural to me as breathing. To me, it was normal to tell people what they wanted to hear (read: lie) to make them feel better. Yes, I’ll be there for Christmas. Yes, I’ll do that for you. Yes, I can fit that in. And then I’d seethe with resentment and feelings of self-loathing, even as the Good Person in me knew I had ticked off at least some of the requisite qualities – kind, loving, hardworking and eager to help – that people pleasers hold dear.

Despite being a Good Person, I felt like, well, shit most of the time. It baffled me that while I devoted so much time, energy, effort and emotion to being a Good Girl, I did not feel good about myself. Which is why I never felt I had the right to say no.