Posters and newspaper cuttings adorn the walls of Five Guys on Newcastle's Northumberland Street.
Speaking of the chain's burgers, Heston Blumenthal says: "They make me happy", while Ed Sheeran says: "Five Guys above everything." I'm not sure if Sheeran is noted for his taste in food, but he has at least been on the Off Menu podcast with James Acaster and Ed Gamble - though his favourite restaurant was sushi, so something's not quite adding up.
Five Guys has a nice and classy space for a fast food restaurant - spread across two floors, it's more upmarket than your average McDonald's or Burger King. The big windows let in swathes of the dusky Newcastle sky, while from the outside looking in there are big bags of fresh potatoes which are used for making the chips.
Read more: Five Guys adds pigs in blankets flavoured milkshake to Christmas menu
There's a sign proudly proclaiming a Washington Post quote: "The Willy Wonkas of Burger Craft." But I doubt even a drunken Willy Wonka high on e-numbers from lickable wallpaper wouldn't think of putting pigs in blankets in a blender with a load of ice cream and milk.
However, that's exactly what Five Guys have done. I was surprised to see many more than five guys behind the counter, and that's lucky because one or two of them had to help my bemused server out when I asked for the pigs in blankets milkshake. He offered me Oreo, banana (a definite no since I'm allergic) and their other new offering, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup - definitely what I would have been picking under my own steam.
But who wants to read a review of any old standard milkshake, eh? After a little wait to pick it up (my fault, I had been standing in the wrong queue), I took it to my seat and had a lovely view of Grey's Monument.
And the first thing I noticed, it's a bit small for £5.45. But it's probably not the size you're reading this for, it'll be the taste - which Five Guys reckon is the "perfect balance between sweet and salty".
I've seen people call this drink a crime against food, and plenty on social media have said that the idea makes them sick. When I got home and told my partner where I'd been, their reaction was fairly similar: "What have you gone and done that for?" - though it was never going to appeal to a vegetarian.
I wish it had been offensive. I wish I could say it was disgusting, it made me sick, that I would vow never to have another meaty milkshake in my life (I mean, I probably won't).
But the reality is that it's just fine - it's not madly different from having pancakes with bacon and maple syrup in my opinion. It's a standard Five Guys vanilla milkshake with a few bits of bacon in.
As for the perfect balance between sweet and salty - I can see where they're coming from but the sweet is overpowering and the flecks of salt that come afterwards are jarring. The closest thing I can compare it to is when you have a chocolate bar that has shards of salt or salted caramel in, but a little more sickly.
My biggest issue with it was that both the paper straw the restaurant supplied me with and the metal one I used once I got home (it's a drink to be nursed rather than downed) couldn't cope with the big bits of bacon that kept getting stuck in the straw. So much so that an hour and a half later I still hadn't finished it.
Would I have it again? In a word, no.
It's not bad but I think £5.45 is steep for a milkshake, and nearby Shake A Holic in Eldon Square offers better value for money and a much wider range of flavours, while Joyo Handmade at the other end of Northumberland Street has some outlandish flavours for its bubble tea that work very well. Or for the Christmas period, you could try the nearby Christmas markets for a hot chocolate (with or without booze), which is probably more appropriate for the weather.
If you want to try the Five Guys pigs in blankets milkshake, visit their outlets on Northumberland Street or in the MetroCentre, or order on Deliveroo.
What is the weirdest milkshake you have ever tried? Let us know!
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