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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Saima Mir

‘I thought: “Everyone knows you’re not a real mum”’ – the pain of parental impostor syndrome

‘The fear at times has been unreal’ … Lucille with two of her kids, Freja and Elijah.
‘The fear at times has been unreal’ … Lucille with two of her kids, Freja and Elijah. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi/The Guardian

As a mother to three boys, there are many days when I question the decisions I make. Sometimes, the weight of that – the idea your child’s wellbeing and happiness rests with you – can feel crippling. At the same time, we are bombarded by parents publicising their own pride in their offspring’s achievements on Instagram and Facebook and in WhatsApp groups, meaning it’s easy to feel as if everyone else knows what they’re doing.

The idea that people sometimes feel like impostors at work is often discussed. Yet the parental impostor syndrome many people have – that they are faking it, and will never cut it as a parent – is seldom acknowledged.

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