Dear Ms Understanding,
I have a boss I think may be racist. He’s close to most of the people who work in our team – men and women – frequently joking with them and openly congratulating them on their work. He has weekly catchups with them to discuss their progress. With me it’s the opposite. He barely interacts with me and we have only met four times in the eight months I have been working under him. Last time we met, admittedly, I cried because I felt overwhelmed and anxious because he started the meeting by asking me what I think my weaknesses are. He acknowledged that as a white older male he may have started off the meeting on the wrong foot and he was nice for a while after, but then things went back to normal.
Two other colleagues have noticed that he asks other people questions I can answer but when I ask them if he is treating me differently, they have said, “maybe he just doesn’t understand your role/ work”. But he’s literally my manager so that would be odd. I don’t know if it is really racism in the workplace, but I can say that I am the only brown female working under his supervision. Is this racism and, if it is, how do I address it?
I’m so sorry to hear about what sounds to me like a classic case of workplace racism. Your experiences are an important reminder that racism isn’t just about aggression and overt insults. Your boss isn’t verbally targeting you, but he is clearly avoiding you and treating you differently from others on the team. He is providing a nurturing and safe environment for your colleagues even as he is under-investing in you. Over time, this sort of neglect is likely to have a serious effect on your career trajectory. If you stay, will you get promoted? If you go, will he write you a reference?
Even though it may be tempting to blame yourself and question your competence, your boss hasn’t given you any indication that your performance is poor. Instead, the white people under your boss’ supervision are thriving and living their best lives and the one person of colour in the team (you!) is feeling isolated and struggling.
So far, you’ve attempted to deal with this situation by checking in with others around you to see if they are noticing the same things. Sadly, the people you are checking in with seem incapable of helping you. As I have said before (and will say time and again in this column) many white people struggle to acknowledge racism, especially when people of colour point it out. Your colleagues may really like the boss because he likes them and treats them well. They don’t see what you can clearly see.
As Sarah Ibrahim, a lawyer and expert on racism notes, too many white people continue to hold on to the myth that, “discrimination is limited to one-off overt experiences and that very nice colleagues would not discriminate”. As you show so clearly in your letter, ‘nice guys’ can be racist. Still, this situation isn’t just about your feelings. In an era when corporates are obsessed with ‘diversity and inclusion’ it can be hard to speak directly about the fact that racism isn’t just about hurt feelings. Most Black and brown folks care about racism because it has long-term effects on our earnings and our career progression.
Being liked is fine, but for me being treated fairly and compensated appropriately, is far more important. In an ideal world we get all of it – well-being and proper pay and professional mobility. Research by Mind Tribes in Australia clearly points to an ethnic pay gap that overshadows the gender pay gap between white women and white men. Your boss’ conduct could have a demonstrable impact on your career if it is not addressed now.
So, you’re in tricky territory, my friend. On the positive side, your boss has acknowledged that his identity as an older white guy may be affecting how he relates to you, so maybe he will welcome a chance to talk.
To be clear, however, you might have a legal case on your hands and if you want to go that route, there are excellent resources available through the Australian Human Rights Commission. Also, If you find out that others have attempted to address the issue with the same person or in the same company with little success and you think you have a fighting chance, then by all means, organise and push for wide-scale change.
But, if you want to try to resolve the situation, avoid talking about this issue with others in your team. The less you share with others while you think through a strategy for addressing the issue, the better. Then, start keeping a log or a journal to document what is happening. If you end up taking the matter forward with HR or through a legal process, it will help to have begun the process of contemporaneously documenting your journey. Also, taking the time to document and analyse puts you in a better position to describe to someone else what you think is going on.
Once you’ve got a clear analysis based on journaling, confide in someone outside the organisation who can give you some perspective. Enlist the help of a friend or a mentor who has some distance from the organisational dynamics and who has experience in the workplace. Talking to a person of colour who may have been in a similar position is first prize.
The next step is to identify a champion inside the organisation. If you have a union, contact them. If not, identify a person in the organisation who your boss trusts but who is on the same level as him organisationally. This person could approach your boss on your behalf to set up the conversation, and give him a gentle summary of your concerns.
Once the stage has been set, you’re ready to have a mediated face-to-face with your boss. Ideally you are accompanied by your champion. If this isn’t possible, or if you think your people and culture team can handle it, ask them to help you navigate the process.
As Enrica Ruggs points out, it will help to start the conversation with your boss by acknowledging that you find the conversation uncomfortable and that your boss might too. Ruggs also suggests giving clear feedback and trying not to get pulled into a debate about affirmative action or diversity. This is a conversation about how you are being managed, and whether your boss has a problem with you based on your race or religion, not a general chat about his opinions on race or religion.
Good luck, this is a really tough one.
Ask us a question
Whatever your background, people have many questions around race and racism that can sometimes be difficult to ask. It might be how to handle racialised treatment in the workplace, how to best stand up for a friend or even what to do if you think you have upset someone. Sisonke Msimang can help you figure it out. Questions can be anonymous.
If you’re having trouble using the form, click here. Read terms of service here
Sisonke Msimang is a Guardian Australia columnist. She is the author of Always Another Country: A Memoir of Exile and Home (2017) and The Resurrection of Winnie Mandela (2018)
