I stopped trying to be a woman – and I felt resurrected, fully myself for the first time

‘Once I’d allowed myself to acknowledge and give space to my sense of gender incongruity, there was no going back.’ Photograph: Lauren Jade/The Guardian

I’ve quit jobs, relationships, and even some religious beliefs – but by far the most important thing I ever quit was trying to be a woman.

Four years ago I came out as a trans man. After 28 years of attempting to be a woman and wondering why things had never felt quite right, the mist cleared: the issue was that I’d been trying to be someone I wasn’t. And not just that, but someone I didn’t want to be – playing a role I felt compelled to adhere to by society.