Dear Coleen
I split with my boyfriend of five years recently. It was a painful break-up – he cheated, I revenge cheated, we shouted and cried a lot.
The good thing is, I have moved out (we were living together at his place) to live with my sister and her friend, and I am getting over him.
However, there’s one huge problem in that we shared a dog together who we both absolutely adore.
He was a rescue puppy and basically he’s our child; we couldn’t love anything more than him.
He kept the dog at his place because he argued it was the dog’s home, and I take him out for walks and he stays with me the odd weekend.
But I miss him so much – I was the one who found him and trained him, and feel he should be with me full-time.
Plus, having to see my ex to hand over the dog feels really depressing and it’s making it harder to move on from the relationship too.
Also, I’m sure any new boyfriend would think this dog situation was weird and wouldn’t be happy about it.
My ex won’t budge, though. He says the dog stays with him, but he’s happy for me to see him and take him out.
I know you’re a dog lover. What would you do?
Coleen says
This kind of happened to me when my first marriage ended.
We had a golden retriever we’d had from a puppy and I adored her.
However, I decided to leave her in the family home with my ex when I left.
It didn’t mean I didn’t love her, but I felt strongly that it was the only home she’d known and it offered her stability.
I think it’s fabulous you rescued a dog (I’ve done this myself), so why not rescue another one?
There are plenty of dogs waiting for loving homes. Also, if it’s causing you trauma seeing your ex so regularly, then it’s time to reassess. I do think the dog could become a way to hurt each other over how the relationship ended.
And I agree that a new partner coming into your life might find that situation difficult to deal with.
I think you have to start thinking about what’s best for you and maybe that’s starting to reduce the dog visits and making them occasional rather than a weekly thing, or keeping in touch with dog news and photos.
We grow to love our pets so much, but you know the dog is happy and safe, and that you can see him now and again, which is great.
