People have been left horrified after a couple revealed they want a mum to return her baby shower gift after she had a miscarriage.
One of the pair said she felt for the mum but hoped to get money back for the expensive gift, in a controversial post to Reddit.
Explaining her position, the author, who is a mum herself, explained that she and her husband have known the woman for years as she's friendly with her partner's family.
"When Jen had her first kid my husband purchased a fairly expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift (around $200-$300 ((£161-£241)) if I recall correctly).
"I had no issue with the gift or how much he spent, it was a nice item to gift her and we were excited for her to grow her family with her then boyfriend now husband," she wrote.
"Fast forward a few years, Jen and her husband are high earners (both making over 6 figures). Jen announced she was pregnant again very early along and sent my husband her baby shower registry with her announcement text which was full of high priced items."
Although the post's author thought it was 'strange' to create a registry - as 'she should still have most of the items from her first kid' - they agreed to send a gift. "My husband spent around $400 on a gift for her, fine with me." Tragically, the mum had a miscarriage a few weeks later.
The friend's wife wrote: "I won't get into the details but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won't be able to carry future pregnancies to term. It's incredibly sad and while I'm not close with Jen my heart hurt for her."
However, she did outline why she thinks the couple ought to return the gift now that 'a few months' have passed. "It's not something she can use for her older kid," she claimed.
The woman added: "I'm also not sure if she's going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet."
It transpired the couple were keen for the gift to be returned, though they recognised it could be cruel to request it back. "Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it's probably past the return window anyway," she thought.
"Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 (£322) is still a lot of money. It's one thing if she's able to get a few years of use out of the item, that's money well spent. But if it's going to sit in a box in her attic for years....that's where we are getting stuck."
As such, the Reddit user asked commenters for help. "I know this sounds awful and I feel like it might be a terrible thing to do so I need some advice," the mum noted.
She added: "Ideally we could get our money back somehow although it's probably too late. If we can't then I'd at least like to gift it to someone else who can use it (I feel awful just saying that but it's how I feel)."
But commenters urged her not to ask for the gift. Although many said they didn't understand why the parents created the second registry, they did not agree with the couple's approach.
"Do people really not understand any more what a gift is? It's no longer yours once you give it to someone," claimed one. A second said: "While a baby shower or registry for a second baby is frowned upon, the gift was sent now and asking for it back after they lost the baby is a horrible thing to do."
Meanwhile, someone commented: "Ask yourself how much being a decent human with a soul is worth to you. Is it $400?" And another wrote: "This is evil and stupid."
In an update to the post, the author replied: "I appreciate the feedback I've gotten. We will not be asking Jen about the gift. We don't want to make her feel worse than she already is."
She added: "I'm sympathetic to Jen's loss as a person and as a person who has also experienced miscarriages. But I am not personally devastated by it if that makes sense. If my husband wrote the post the tone would have been different.
"Given how long they've known each other and how she's so integrated into their family he felt it was appropriate to gift her a big ticket item which I thought was justified. I do wish he had waited to send it because I warned him that it was very early in her pregnancy and anything could happen."
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