Since having my son, I have thought often about single-parent families. “I don’t know how you cope” is a common refrain that you hear from coupled-up parents, but I’m not about to patronise any of you. You cope because you have to, because you love your child or children and they need you. I understand that. I saw my mother do it, and have single parents in my extended family and friendship groups.
What I’ve been trying to think about is more physical than that. You see, my back hurts. It hurts from lifting the baby, and from walking him up and down every night while singing him maudlin Irish folk songs and, I think, from the fact that as I’m sleeping I unconsciously twist my head towards him, so I can better hear his fluttering breaths. But when my back hurts too much, I pass the baby to my husband, and he starts walking him up and down, and I will go into another room, and sometimes pour a glass of wine.
