The summer holidays are almost over and the kids return to school next week. We have spent the summer on various short British breaks — a week in Scotland with the in-laws and long weekends camping in Kent and Pembrokeshire. Whether we have been in England, Scotland or Wales the one constant feature to our holiday destinations is that they have been near water. It could be a river, the sea or a loch but everyone in my family just loves to swim.
Everyone, that is, except me. I cannot swim. I don’t mean I can only do one length of a pool or I can only doggy paddle. I cannot swim at all. The only thing I can do in water is have an anxiety attack.
There are cultural reasons that help explain my inability to swim. When I was growing up, Asian kids like me didn’t get taken to the seaside by our parents, who weren’t exactly encouraging about their children learning how to swim. When I was about 10 I slipped in the pool during a swimming lesson. I remember feeling terrified and thinking I was about to die. Ever since that day I have been frightened of water.
I could have tried to learn as an adult but instead I constructed a life where my inability to swim was not an issue — I went on city breaks rather than beach holidays and told myself I was far more interesting than those sad sorts who slumped on sun loungers in front of the sea. Then I got married to a woman who is addicted to swimming and has passed on her obsession to our children.
When you have a family you learn to embrace the unthinkable for the sake of the kids — this also explains why I now possess a tent — so I started going on beach holidays. I found I loved the sea but because I cannot swim it still scares me. Beach holidays are bittersweet because they always feature my wife and children, sometimes with our friends, swimming and laughing in the sea as I stand on the beach watching.
They say one shouldn’t have regrets but the truth is I do regret never having learnt how to swim as a boy. I have had lessons in the past, but with no success. I was always in groups and never managed to get to that place where I trust rather than fear the water.
My wife urges me to splash out on individual lessons but the reality is that these days most of my time and money goes on giving my kids the life to which they have become accustomed.
How I wish I knew how it felt to leap without fear into water and swim with my wife and children. It sounds blissful, but I suspect I am condemned to remain in the shallows of my life and watch from the shore.
When it comes to learning how to swim I wish I had not missed the boat.
