Dear Coleen,
I hope this letter doesn’t come across as petty, but here goes.
I split up with my ex two years ago when our daughter was three.
He was a nightmare, especially during the pandemic, and I have no doubts that we’re better apart.
I’ve been seeing someone seriously for about 10 months and I’m happy.
My daughter turns five next week and we’re having a big family party with my ex’s parents (who are lovely and supportive) and my mum and dad, plus siblings.
My problem is, my ex called me this week and said he was bringing his new girlfriend along. I’ve never met her, although I’ve stalked her a bit on social media and she looks perfectly OK.
I’m just annoyed that he’s sprung this on me and I feel awkward about her being at the party when I don’t even knowhow serious he is about her. Let’s put it this way, he’s had quite a few girlfriends since we broke up.
My boyfriend will be there too, so I don’t feel I have much room to object, but it just feels out of the blue.
Plus, he seems to be making a huge effort to be at the party when we don’t hear from him for weeks on end.
Am I overthinking all of this? I want our daughter to have a good day and hope nothing spoils it for her.
Coleen says:
Well, don’t let the fact your ex is bringing a plus one spoil it.
There will be plenty of other people and distractions at the party, and I’m sure your daughter won’t focus on this woman.
So, even if she doesn’t last, it won’t feel like a big issue.
However, the fact he’s bringing her suggests he wants her to get to know his family and his daughter, and that he is serious about their relationship.
It’s unexpected, but I think you should rise above it, be polite and friendly, and just get on with enjoying the party.
Don’t make an issue out of it. I imagine this woman will be nervous being in your company and want to create a good impression.
I think the past issues with your ex (and perhaps ongoing ones over how much he keeps in touch) is what’s actually upsetting you.
So, maybe that’s a conversation for you to have another time. Tell him you need to talk to him about how things are going, explain what you’re not happy about, and figure out how co-parenting could be improved.
It sounds like you’re taking on the lion’s share of the responsibility, which is very frustrating, but you do have support from his family.
Maybe a word in his mum’s ear might help, too.
Coleen's words of wisdom:
Opportunities rarely fall into our laps. Most of the time it’s about being brave enough to take a chance. You might succeed but, if
things don’t work out, at least you’ll have tried and learned something from it.
Problems? Tell Coleen Nolan about them and she’ll give you an honest answer... every weekday in the Daily Mirror
Email: dearcoleen@mirror.co.uk – sorry, but Coleen can’t reply personally
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