I’m trying to be more self-assured – but I crave approval from a 3kg chihuahua

‘I found myself setting alarms to give them attention during work days and saying wasssssuuup when they entered a room. Baffling stuff.’ Photograph: Sergey Tikhomirov/Getty Images/iStockphoto

My partner recently overheard me trying to make conversation with his eldest. “Ah, got your little banana toy there do you?” Silence. “And is that … fun? Do you like it? That’s cool.”

Humiliating. This is a dog, I should clarify.