Let me paint the picture. It was a warm, summer day as I was walking my dog on my lunch break. The sun was shining. I could hear the echo of cicadas ringing through the trees as a light breeze made the trees softly sway from side to side. Every few steps I felt a gentle, cooling mist land on my skin. Looking up above at the clear, blue sky, I briefly wondered what the surprise spritz was before continuing on my merry way, thankful for the mystery water spray for keeping me feeling fresh. This happened many, many times until one day, I discovered it was cicada piss. I was being pissed on by cicadas.
Although I first thought these mystery spritzes were nice, eventually I started to question where they came from. Naturally, I consulted the group chat and hypothesised with my very clever friend Steph.
After this brief exchange, we let sleeping dogs lie. Until Steph overheard someone talk about this very issue in her office. After a quick Google, she discovered exactly what the culprit of the mystery spritz was, immediately linking an article which explained that cicadas release absolute turbo jet streams of piss after consuming their meal of choice — delicious watery plant sap.
According to science magazine Scientific American, cicadas are able to spray out their piss at an insane high-speed velocity reminiscent of some mammals. This is not only very impressive, but vastly different to the piss method used by other insects which is to flick away droplets of piss one drop at a time.
“In biology, there are always exceptions, and the exception here is cicadas,” Harvard University’s postdoctoral researcher Elio Challita told Scientific American.
“Instead of peeing in droplets, cicadas are some of the smallest insects that can generate these powerful jets.”
HORRIFIC.
To make matters even worse for those who don’t enjoy being covered in piss, this year has been a particular doozy for cicadas. According to Professor David Emery — a veterinary immunologist and cicada expert — researchers were expecting Greengrocer cicadas to be out in full force. However, they didn’t anticipate the other species of cicadas to go “gangbusters” too. As a result, the number of cicadas are much higher, meaning more piss and a louder racket.
“The moisture of the winter time and the heat and warmth in the summer and the spring has brought them out around about three weeks earlier than you’d normally see them,” he told SBS News.
“They’ve emerged out in huge numbers and they’re still emerging. It’s quite extraordinary.”
While it’s been a good year for cicada populations Australia-wide, NSW has seen the biggest explosion in those bug-eyed bastards.
Look, despite my disgust, I’ve always been a fan of cicadas. Who doesn’t love putting their fun, little shells on people’s backs without them realising?
Ultimately though, these little fellas spend six to seven years underground before emerging into the world to experience what I imagine is their own insect version of rumspringa. They only have four to six weeks to fly around, scream and ideally get their fuqq on with other cicadas. Who can blame them if that involves a piss kink?
Too far? They’re just insects? I’ll see myself out.
The post I’m Sorry To Be The One To Tell You: That’s Not Summer Rain, You’re Walking Through Cicada Piss appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
