The dilemma Although I only look about 30, I am about to turn 40 and I am worried I am going to self-destruct. The real issue, though, is that turning 40 feels like doors are about to close. Professionally, I am successful. I do a hard, responsible job. I know I am good at what I do. The “but” is that I am single. I have never had any children and the only romantic relationship I have had in the past decade was with someone who would not commit to me. I can’t countenance internet dating; that’s not a value judgment on what anyone else wants to do, but it isn’t for me. I feel like I am open to meeting people, but having lost the most recent years of my life to the pandemic, the scope of possibilities for this seems minuscule.
I have always had an issue with wanting something without knowing the particulars. I was never a child who “dreamed” of a wedding. If I met someone I liked, I might want to date them, but all through my early adulthood when my peers wanted a boyfriend, I don’t remember sharing their thought process – unless we were talking about a specific person. Similarly, the question, “Do you want children?” and even “Do you want a partner?” is unanswerable to me unless I know the circumstances.
