Get all your news in one place.
100's of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I’m not attracted to my girlfriend – but I want to spend the rest of my life with her

Design composite of young man with a young woman's arms around him with her back to the camer
‘Sex with her is never really passionate and I don’t get much satisfaction from it.’ Composite: Guardian Design/Getty Images (posed by models)

I’m struggling in my relationship and I think my girlfriend is catching on. I am an 18-year-old man and she is 19. I know already that she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know I am lucky to have found her and I don’t want to let her go. But, while she always has a high sex drive for me, I do not have the same for her. I have sex with her semi-regularly, but it is never really passionate and I don’t get much satisfaction from it. I’m aware that my feelings about her are coming through in everyday conversations. I sometimes mention, for instance, that what she is eating isn’t the best, or that she should go to the gym more often. I know this is unhealthy and is making her unhappy. I don’t know how to solve this problem, let alone work out what it even is.

At 18, you are just at the beginning of your sexual and relationship journey. It’s important to recognise that learning how to navigate sexual relationships and how to achieve true intimacy is a process that takes a lifetime. No matter how smart or accomplished a person might be, they will always make mistakes and have to learn from them.

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100's of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.