I call it the Biennial in our house: 2024, the Christmas tree returns to our living room after a two-year absence. I’m no Scrooge. I’m one of those people who goes big on Christmas. I can quote The Muppet Christmas Carol. I love pigs in blankets. I once chartered a Routemaster to drive through central London so my pals and I could admire the lights.
But I can only face having a tree once every two years because it feels somewhat ghoulish dressing a dead tree up, only to watch it slowly drop its needles before unceremoniously dumping it on the pavement several weeks later. We have to move Christopher Figgins, our five-foot fiddle-leaf fig plant, who is fussy at the best of times, down a flight of stairs to make room for it. Somehow, I’m always the person who decorates and un-decorates it. They’re not cheap.
More pertinently, I worry about the carbon footprint. The older I get, the more overwhelmed I am by the rampant consumerism of Christmas. Replacing the tree with bowls of narcissi, amaryllis and, one year, a beautiful mantelpiece wreath made of seasonal spruce, pine and dried bits from the garden all felt a bit more manageable.
But, well, Christmas trees are a sort of irreplaceable part of the whole thing. I like the cosiness of sitting in a room lit only by the glow of fairy lights. I love the sheer, vaguely Victorian magic of having a woodland tree in your house. No candle in the world, regardless of the price, can beat the smell.
Some might say that an artificial tree could solve my quandary, but the Carbon Trust has found that you have to reuse a plastic tree for more than seven years before it has a smaller footprint than a real one.
To lower the footprint of a real tree, choose a locally grown one; the Forestry Commission sells trees across the UK with a walk in the woods as an added wholesome bonus. In Scotland, Caring Christmas Trees are sustainably grown, with profits going to good causes.
I can’t, alas, shove a tree in a Zipcar. Even after 15 years of living in London, I still find the fact they are sold on pavements a bit odd. You can rent pot-grown Christmas trees which go back in January, but getting a slot is a bit like doing the online Christmas supermarket shop – you have to be organised. For the more spontaneous, Green Elf Trees offer a variety of pot-based options: you can keep it in your garden, rent it so that it can be replanted or opt to take one that hasn’t been bought, minimising waste. They also have a collection service, meaning trees are properly composted.
Once it’s in place, sawing a chunk off the bottom will help it to take in more water – which is crucial, especially if you’ve got the central heating on.
