I’m a mum who feels like the most boring fool on earth. How do I find ‘interesting me’ again?

‘Trying to resolve this level of consistent distress yourself is like driving around with the brakes cut, going “I don’t have time to see a mechanic”.’ Painting: Rest by William-Adolphe Bouguereau. Photograph: Alamy/Hinman B Hurlbut Collection

I’m 36 and a mother to two beautiful hyperactive boys, six and two. I feel like the most boring fool on earth. I have no friends who I can talk to. Social interaction is limited to small talk day to day – at work, with neighbours etc. I am unable to hold any meaningful conversation unless it revolves around kids, their shenanigans and how tired parents always are.

My husband goes out with colleagues every week but I am rarely invited anywhere and I don’t think I want to be. I get terrified whenever I am. I’m sure that I add no value to any moment. I feel dejected and sad almost all the time. I can’t even read a book fully any more; I feel I don’t have any headspace left after attending to the boys all day. My husband holds an upper management position therefore he makes more money than me and spends longer hours at work, so I do about 90% of the parenting.