A mum of twins has pleaded for strangers to avoid making one common comment when they meet her five-month-old babies. Cami Vidal says the last observation she and other mothers of twins want to hear is that they "must have their hands full".
Cami, 35, says although the people who say it are well-meaning, she is sick of hearing it, and it sounds negative to women who might already be feeling overwhelmed. And she suggests that instead people could give her a boost by playing up the positive aspects of her situation.
Sharing a post on Instagram, she wrote: “I’m saying this with love and kindness. Can you please STOP telling me my hands are full.
"I know it’s harmless and you don’t mean anything else that a funny comment but I must have heard it over a thousand times in the last five months. I would love If we could change the conversation to a more uplifting one.”
Cami, a meditation and yoga teacher from Barnet, north London, went on: “Instead of telling me my hands are full, tell me how full my heart must be. Instead of telling me double trouble tell me, 'Wow, double the love!' Instead of telling me it must be sooooo hard and tell me it must be so fun!”
She revealed as a new mum to twins Felix and Milo, she can become overwhelmed – and the comment that her hands are full doesn’t feel supportive. She added: “Instead maybe offer a hand, ask me how you can help or tell me I’m doing an amazing job and to keep going.
"I think most people who make the comment about having my hands full don't mean to be negative. For them, it's just a conversation starter or a funny comment, but people don't realise how it makes us feel."
Sometimes people pick the wrong moment to make the comment - such as when her sons start crying while she is out and about. As a first-time mum on little sleep, and with minimal family support, she said being reminded of how difficult it is can make her feel "disconnected".
Cami said: "It just always feels a bit negative, even though it's not intended to be mean. Some people even say twins is their 'worst nightmare' - but I have twins, and even when it gets hard, it's not mine."
The post was liked hundreds of times and drew many comments from other mums expressing their agreement after going through the same experiences. One said: "Wow you took the words out of my mouth as a twin mum to six-month-olds!"
Another added: "I’ve got 23-month-old twins and a seven-month-old baby. It’s all I ever hear. A kind and caring word would be a nice change." A third said: "I get these comments even when my two children are just over two years apart!"
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