The question I am a mother of a four-year-old girl and an 18-month-old boy. And I find it hard to love my daughter. From the moment she arrived, I felt like I was getting it all wrong and wasn’t good enough – I even felt she wasn’t a good enough baby. The sound of her cry did, and still does, bring up feelings of rage, anger and resentment. I do not feel like this about my son. All I feel for him is pure love, his cries make me feel sad and concerned and like I want to support him, not pull away from him. Why can’t I love my daughter like I do my son? She is a sensitive child and I’m sure she can sense my confused feelings towards her. I don’t want to damage her mental health, but I also don’t know how to love her properly and often feel myself withdrawing from her, especially when she is being difficult and defiant, which I know is probably when she needs me to understand her the most, but I just can’t seem to be fully there for her.
Philippa’s answer What you have done right is acknowledge and identify the problem. Instead of being blaming or critical of her, you are curious about yourself. This is absolutely on the right track. Well done.
