Dealing with infertility is in no way easy. Neither is talking about it. But when thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone and planning on maybe even starting a family, it’s a crucial topic for partners to discuss to make sure they are on the same page about their future.
After realizing that his sister wasn’t honest with her fiancé about being infertile, this redditor found himself facing a moral dilemma – whether to tell a secret that is not his to tell or let a man continue to dream about having biological children with the woman that he loves dearly. The OP chose the former option, consequently causing quite a rift in the family and even wondering if he was in the wrong for doing so. Scroll down to find the full story below.
Infertility can be an incredibly painful thing to go through or even talk about, for that matter
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This woman hadn’t told her fiancé that she was infertile, so her brother did that for her
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Image credits: Double_Assistance281
Infertility reportedly affects one-in-six people globally
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Infertility can come as a big blow, especially for people who couldn’t wait to have kids of their own. And even though there are other ways to become parents, such news, usually accompanied by a mix of overwhelming emotions, takes time to cope with.
According to a report released by Cedars-Sinai Hospital, a study of infertile couples’ experience found that half of the surveyed women and 15% of the surveyed men described infertility as the most upsetting experience of their lives.
“For some women and couples, there can be this expectation, a dream or plan that they had about having children, and they feel robbed of that dream,” noted Dr. Eynav Accortt, a clinical psychologist and director of the Reproductive Psychology Program at Cedars-Sinai Hospital.
Needless to say, having your dream taken away from you is not something one can talk about easily. To make matters worse, there is still a stigma surrounding infertility that makes opening up that much more difficult, even though it’s not that rare of an occurrence; according to the WHO, one-in-six people globally are affected by infertility.
Yet there is still stigma surrounding it
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Accortt continued to point out that nowadays men are much more involved in family life, so they feel the hardships of perinatal loss just as deeply as women do. But, according to a study on infertility stigma, while inability to have children affects both sexes equally, women are most frequently blamed. “This causes infertile women to feel guilty and threatens their self-esteem. Thus, infertile women experience greater psychological stress than infertile men, and they are often stigmatized for being infertile and being childless,” the researchers of the study wrote.
Bearing in mind the stigma surrounding infertility and the toll it takes on one’s mental well-being, it’s not surprising that a person might find it difficult to talk about it even with the people they love most. Chances are, the OP, too, couldn’t summon the strength to start the difficult conversation with her fiancé. However, hiding the issue might only cause more problems down the line.
Atlanta Center for Reproductive Medicine suggests that it’s crucial that both partners know what they’re up against, so they can overcome the roadblock together. According to the center, “The earlier you have this seemingly daunting conversation with your significant other, the sooner you’ll feel better about your situation. The longer you keep it a secret, the more self-doubt, guilt, and blame may manifest in other areas of your relationship.”
It’s unclear whether or not—and when—the OP’s sister was thinking of having the conversation with her significant other. But her brother believed that the groom-to-be should be aware of the situation before making a lifelong commitment. While some netizens believed the redditor did the right thing by letting him know, others suggested that it wasn’t his secret to tell. Both sides shared their thoughts in the comments.
Some people weren’t quick to judge the brother for his actions
Others, however, believed that it wasn’t his secret to tell
