Photograph: Tom Beard/Sky
My God. If you thought the start of I Hate Suzie was claustrophobic, just wait until you see the start of I Hate Suzie Too (Sky Atlantic). It features a one-take shot that’s basically a panic attack in televisual form. Suzie, made up like a clown and sporting a silver bow so giant it’s closer to a straitjacket, is trailed along backstage corridors of a TV studio by the holy trinity of nightmare entourages: agent, publicist, production assistant. They harass, chivvy, cajole, flatter and break the news that the tell-all by her vengeful ex-husband, Cob, has just gone online. Suzie sweats, swears, tries to detach her mic, and gets a fake eyelash stuck on her first ex-husband’s gold sequin jacket. Welcome to the anti-Christmas special our brutally misogynistic culture deserves.
It’s comeback time. When we last saw Suzie (Billie Piper) she was screaming “Fuuuuuuuuuuck!” in a petrol station upon discovering she was pregnant. Her marriage and career appeared to be over. Six months on, she is dancing for clicks (and her life) on a grubby talent show called Dance Crazee Xmas. Which falls in a dark chasm somewhere between Strictly, Love Island and the fifth, sixth and seventh rings of Dante’s hell. Which are Anger, Heresy, and Violence. I know this now. You should see my Google search history since watching this almighty Beelzebub of a show. Just like the magnificent first series, the visionary duo of Lucy Prebble and Billie Piper take us to dark places. Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Caroline Flack and Amber Heard are the ghosts haunting this Christmas horror story.
