I had no interest in Malta - until I found a way to have one of Europe’s busiest islands all to myself

I arrived in Malta expecting hordes of sunburnt bodies, overpriced gelato (yes, it’s a thing here), gaudy paintings of local attractions by vendors, and key rings for sale. Oh, and the faint whiff of last night’s party scene lingering in the air.

I’d heard it was a bit “awful” - harsh, I know - and I conjured up images of the place as hot and routinely crammed with tourists and queues to get in virtually everywhere.