A mum has told how she inseminated herself with a donor’s sperm, kept her pregnancy secret and hired a £2k birthing partner so she could have a baby 'on her own terms'. Skylar, 28, decided to go it alone and have a baby via sperm donor in September 2021 because she didn't want to 'rely on someone else' or 'share' her child.
The single mum always said she wanted to have a baby at the age of 30, whether she had a partner or not, but at the age of 27 she decided she couldn't wait any longer. She found a donor online who sent a sample of his semen in the post so she could inseminate herself.
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The beautician decided she wanted a lowkey pregnancy and only told her tightest knit circle, she barely left the house and went shopping at obscure times to ensure nobody saw her bump.
Instead of having to rely on somebody she knew, Skylar opted to pay £2K for a doula, a birthing coach, who was her rock throughout her pregnancy and helped her plan for her labour and guided her through her solo journey.
Skylar's waters broke three weeks early on May 16 2022 and she spent three days in labour.
Skylar, a beautician, Long Island, New York, US, said: "I always knew I would have a baby girl and planned on waiting until I was 30 to have a baby.
"But when I was 27, I had an epiphany, I just couldn’t wait any longer to have a child. I had always known I would get a sperm donor.
"I didn’t want to have to rely on anyone else to raise my daughter or share my child."
"So many of my friends have partners that don't contribute anything or are in toxic relationships with their baby dad's- I didn't want this for my daughter."
"I felt like I had a missing piece - but my little girl has completed me.
"I never planned on having a baby with anyone else but myself - I always wanted to do it all on my own terms.”
"I'm not closed off to letting someone in romantically but I am so happy on my own, I am extremely independent and have spent my whole life building my own business."
Skylar says she always wanted to become a mum but decided to pursue her dream when she had an epiphany in July 2021.
"I had a vision on July 4 when I knew I just had to have her. I know we have been together in past lives and our souls have been connected."
"All my friends were having babies and I knew I had to get her here. I had never wanted anything more."
She said: "I had always talked about getting a donor and it was something I had been thinking about my whole life.
"I decided to choose a donor who looked like me and was creative and artistic.
"It really worked out because she looks the spitting image of me- there is no doubt she is my child. I inseminated myself in my home on my own with sperm that was sent in the post."
Due to a legal agreement with her sperm donor, Skylar cannot disclose many details about their arrangement.
"I found someone online who looked like me, was healthy and creative," she said. "Next we made a legal agreement and his semen arrived in the post.
"It came in special packaging to keep it cold and then I had to artificially inseminate myself. It was a super easy process.”
Skylar's next period came late and she took a pregnancy test which came back positive on her first try on September 28 2021.
She said: "I took seven tests to be sure, I was just in complete shock. I was absolutely ecstatic, I couldn't believe my eyes.
"I chose to only tell a select group of my friends, I am not close to my family. The people I did tell were so happy for me."
Skylar decided to keep her pregnancy a secret from her family, friends, colleagues and clients because she wanted to have a low-key, peaceful nine months.
"I didn't want to post online or share my journey because I didn't want outside interference.
"Honestly nobody noticed because I wore baggy clothes and only left the house at obscure times so I wasn't seen."
Her mum, Debbie, 56, a school bus driver only found out because of an insurance letter that got mistakenly posted to her house.
Skylar says she and her mum are closer than ever since baby Shy has arrived.
The people she did tell about the pregnancy were not shocked by her decision because having a baby alone is something she has always talked about.
The single mum says the process was a lot cheaper than going through a private donor company, but she splashed out on a birthing coach to ensure she was supported throughout.
"A doula is someone who guides you through the process, she was my rock throughout my pregnancy and was worth the money," Skylar said.
"My Doula was there for me for general support and advice, I couldn't have done it without her.
"She didn't come to all my appointments but was there for me during my birth.
"She was my voice of reason and rock.
"It did get lonely at times - especially on the day I got birth I felt like I was judged for being on my own but it's what I chose, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
Skylar claims she often receives negative comments and feels judged by others for being a single mum.
"Even when I was in hospital, I felt judged for being on my own," she said. "People looked at me as if to say: "Where is the baby's father?'"
"I dislike it when people refer to the donor as her father, because he isn't."
Baby Shy arrived on May 18th 2022 at 7.52pm at Stony Brook University Hospital, Long Island, weighing 7lbs 5oz.
"The birth was traumatic, she was three weeks early and I was in labour for three days," Skylar said.
"I wanted to have a completely natural birth and it just didn't go that way.
"When she finally arrived - it was the happiest day of my life and I did it all by myself."
Despite adoring Shy, Skylar doesn't want to have more children and spent her whole life planning and saving for her one baby.
Skylar has insisted she will answer any of Shy's questions when the time comes and won't hide the fact that she used a sperm donor.
"If Shy and the donor want to, there is nothing to stop them meeting when she is older, but he won't have any involvement in raising or supporting Shy," Skylar said.
"Shy is everything and more. She is my missing piece and I want women out there to know that it is possible, they can have children on their own."
