PEDESTRIAN.TV has teamed up with Moonpig, so dads don’t get a last-minute Father’s Day card.
In every friend group, there’s a ghostwriter behind the long paragraphs sent to a toxic boyfriend. You know what you did, Jake.
This experience got me thinking: What else could I write for my friends? It turns out quite a lot. I get it — it’s easy to overlook the side characters in our busy main character lives. But by writing an appreciative message, you’ll be starring in your loved one’s next season. Or even just wording a confrontational message correctly so you don’t get cancelled. Especially with screenshots being a thing now, I dread to think about my messages being roasted in a different chat…
From a funny Father’s Day message to calling out a landlord, come with me as I curate people’s personal lives. Sorry, AI, but a soulless bunch of words will never be the same as having a personal message written just for you — from an actual human being, like the seven DMs below.
*All the names below have been changed to pseudonyms to protect their privacy. (Especially so someone’s landlord doesn’t catch on.)
Monday: Breaking the tattoo news to an unsuspecting dad
I started the week writing for my friend Callie, who got a stunning flower tattoo on her back on Sunday. (I held her hand and everything; she was so brave.) The only problem? Her dad isn’t the biggest fan of tatts. So, no pressure or anything then for this make-or-break message. It was nice knowing you, Callie.
My takeaway: It’s good to know that it’s not only my dad who responds with a thumbs-up. Side note: I still don’t know if this is passive-aggressive or not. But not to worry, folks. On Wednesday, I have something up my sleeve to get Callie back in his good books.
Tuesday: Actually thanking the people who helped move (if you don’t do this, get out)
Katherine finally moved out of her mould-infested apartment thanks to the group pitching in (because enough was enough.) It was like in Friends, where we were yelling “PIVOT!” (We did get the couch through the stairs, thanks for asking.) We’ve all been there in a frantic move, not having time to thank the people who helped. Luckily, on Tuesday, I was on the case.
My takeaway: This response was so wholesome that it reminded me to send my own thank-you notes. I just want to know what “lil present” she got the group; I’m still waiting Katherine.
Wednesday: Wishing Dad an early Father’s Day (so you become the favourite)
On Wednesday, I decided Callie needed to suck up to her dad after the thumbs-up incident. In my opinion, what’s the best way to get to a dad’s heart? Corny jokes.
My takeaway: In a classic dad move, he didn’t reply to Callie’s message. But he did replace the oil in her car later that day (you’re supposed to do that??), which in Dad’s language is ‘I love you.’ So, I call that a success.
Sending a personalised card could also get Callie back in the good books. (Not just stereotypical golf and beer puns, as I did.) Especially compared to her siblings, who will scramble to get something last minute. Little do they know, Callie is getting a free first card from Moonpig— the favourite child title is in the bag. PS: you can nab a free card too (including shipping!) by using promo code PTVDAD.
How could her dad not forgive her when he gets this funny card in the mail, with personal messages and pics printed inside?
Thursday: Punny countdown message to getting married
I still can’t believe my co-worker turned best friend is getting married in 20 days. It feels like Jade was spilling about the first date at lunch only yesterday. So, I decided she should honour the countdown in 20 puns because she’s honestly so punny.
My takeaway: I didn’t realise how single I was until I read their cute messages. Luckily, I’m both a dog mum and dad for Peaches, my Border Collie. With Father’s Day card time coming up, I’m getting myself a card and Jade one to give to her partner (so I can snag that Moonpig free first card.) Because her partner, Kai, is the father of their cat, Mr Whiskers.
Friday: Passive-aggressive message to a landlord
When my co-worker Diego told me that his landlord wouldn’t pay the cleaning fee, when there was literal poo, human hair and popcorn kernels when he moved in — I knew what I had to do. To the writing board, Kronk. Wrong leverrrrr.
My takeaway: As you can see, he didn’t send it as a DM. Unfortunately, he was too scared to send it for fear of getting kicked out. He also wanted to burn it for therapy but didn’t want the fire alarm to go off. Ultimately, it was binned — where the Landlord who refused to pay the cleaning fee belongs.
Saturday: Happy birthday message to a sister (that she won’t hate)
Low key: if someone sends me a generic birthday message, I’ll give them the same medicine back. That’s why making birthday messages unique is so important like I did with my uni bestie’s sister.
My takeaway: A special birthday message can make someone’s day, especially sisters, who hold you accountable and are petty if you don’t. (I’m the petty sister in this scenario.)
Sunday: OMG, my friends are getting pregnant now
What better way to finish off the week than with a new birth? I remember my first friend telling me she was pregnant, and I didn’t know how to react. Luckily for my friend Dakota, who was recently named Godmother, I’ve nailed the “congrats on being pregnant” message.
My takeaway: It doesn’t take much to offer to help your mates, and they’ll appreciate it. Especially your pregnant friend, who is literally pushing a bowling ball out of her hoo-ha.
What a week! Even though it was fun to get the tea from people’s personal DMs, I think I’m just keen to write my own messages from now on. Next stop? Writing a personalised card to my dad, so I get the favourite child award.
The post I Ghostwrote My Friends’ Text Messages For A Week To See If I Could Solve All Their Problems appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
