Davide Santon wakes up in agony every morning. The pain is so bad that the former Newcastle United defender spends the first quarter of an hour of each day doing a series of stretches and exercises just so he is 'able to walk properly'.
As much as Santon wants to run still, some days, the Italian has to listen to his body and put his trainers away. Is it any wonder Santon decided to retire at the age of just 31 last month?
"I gave all my body to football," he told ChronicleLive.
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That is an understatement. Santon suffered his first knee injury at 18 and went on to have three operations during the course of his career. Although Santon has hung up his boots, a fourth surgery may be on the cards later in life to insert a metal plate in his knee.
This was not what Santon pictured when he burst onto the scene under Jose Mourinho at Inter all those years ago. Yet, in those final months of his career at Roma, under the same manager, the same thought would enter Santon's head: 'Do I really have to go to training today?'
"You get to a point where you wake up in the morning and it's not a thing you enjoy anymore," he said. "It's like you suffer more than actually enjoying playing football.
"Growing up, I went to training every day because I enjoyed playing football. In the last period, I was not feeling like that anymore. I was going to training because I had to.
"I was not really enjoying my football because I was not playing how I wanted to. I just had to play like how my body was telling me how to play. I had other offers to go to a smaller team or a mid-table team, but I said to myself, 'I want to play if I'm still enjoying it' and I wasn't enjoying it anymore.
"That's why I stopped because everything with my body, mentally, I wasn't prepared to be on the pitch again and give 100%. I wanted to, but my body would not allow me to do it."
Retirement has at least given Santon the chance to spend more time with his family and the Italian has also had the opportunity to keep an even closer eye on the fortunes of his former clubs, including Newcastle, of course. Santon is understandably 'very happy' to see the Magpies back fighting at the top end of the table again, after being part of the last side to upset the established order in 2012, and one of the 31-year-old's 'dreams' is to return to St James' Park to watch a game in the stands with supporters.
These are not just empty words. Santon met his wife, Chloe, a Geordie, during his time at the club while eldest daughter Sienna was born in the city so you can see why the former defender feels Newcastle will 'always be a part of me'. That connection was certainly on Santon's mind when a mooted move to Sunderland broke down in 2016 - years after he left Newcastle to return to Inter.
"Sunderland wanted me, but I always had this big doubt because, come on, I played for Newcastle and I couldn't go and play for Sunderland," he said. "I was back in England close to the city then I nearly pushed for it, but a lot of things happened and I think they happened for a reason.
"I wasn't supposed to play for Sunderland because my heart is for Newcastle. That was it, really. I never signed for Sunderland for a lot of reasons: my body situation, the contract situation and then there was a disagreement on a lot of things and I never went there. After that, I was happy because I always felt inside of me I couldn't do it.
"If I went to Sunderland, they wouldn't like me anymore if I came back to Newcastle because I would be a traitor. I'm glad I didn't sign for Sunderland. Not out of disrespect - I respected them and loved to play against them - but I felt for everything Newcastle gave to me and the love I had for the city and the fans, I wasn't supposed to play for that club."
On the subject of that rivalry, despite all he achieved, whether it was winning Serie A titles with Inter or representing his country, Santon rues how he 'never got that feeling after you win a derby with the city' after the Magpies failed to beat their bitter rivals during his time at the club. Having been part of an Inter side that defeated bitter rivals AC Milan, Santon wanted to do likewise in the Tyne-Wear derby when he joined Newcastle in 2011.
An excited Alan Pardew believed Newcastle were 'signing a pedigree player' and Santon soon nailed down a starting berth at left-back following an adjustment period that even saw the new arrival play for the reserves. That is not to say those first few months were straightforward; Santon did not speak English at first so the Italian could not always understand what Pardew wanted from him. It is remarkable to think, in hindsight, but that meant Santon often had to go with his instinct, which was probably for the best given how he could barely hear himself think at St James' Park - let alone hear Pardew's instructions.
"Every single game was full," he said. "It didn't matter if you were playing against a big team or a small team, you always knew you were going to get 52,000 people in the stadium. Going on that pitch with the fans pushing behind you was the best feeling you could have.
"If you lost six games in a row, they were going to be angry but even if you were losing and you made a big tackle or it's a corner, they always encouraged you. They always pushed you to try and do your best.
"I had the best years of my career in Newcastle because of them. They were very supportive during the game and, even before and after the games, they were friendly so it made me feel comfortable on the pitch."
Just as supporters helped make Santon feel at home, so too did Pardew, who the former full-back described as 'more a friend than a coach'. Santon found Pardew to have 'always been honest' with him and the former Newcastle boss would not shy away from telling the full-back he played 's---' if that was the case.
Pardew managed a side with a potent mix of quality and spirit and Newcastle's first win at Old Trafford in more than four decades was a case in point back in 2013. As much as that is Santon's favourite memory from his time at Newcastle for what happened on the field that day, the 31-year-old also cherishes that 1-0 victory still because he jetted off with his team-mates for their Christmas party straight afterwards.
Santon got on well with Jonas Gutierrez, Fabricio Coloccini, Tim Krul, Steven Taylor and Shola Ameobi, and remains in contact with a number of his former team-mates. You suspect the time they spent with the enigmatic Hatem Ben Arfa comes up every so often.
"Hatem was a crazy guy," he said. "Crazy in a good way. He was very friendly, but he was living in his own world.
"You could never expect what he could do. That was him. One game you would think, 'Is this Ben Arfa or his brother?'. But, in other games, he was unstoppable and looked like [Diego] Maradona.
"He could dribble, he could do anything he wanted to, but he needed to have motivation. If he didn't have that, sometimes, he was useless and we used to play 10 against 11 rather than 11 against 11. But when he wanted to, he was one of the best players I ever played with. Trying to stop him in training was sometimes impossible."
Having qualified for Europe with Ben Arfa et al, in 2012, Santon remains frustrated that the club did not push on from a position of strength and instead sold their best players: Demba Ba moved to Chelsea in 2013; Yohan Cabaye joined PSG in January, 2014; and even Mathieu Debuchy left for Arsenal just a few months later.
Santon, for his part, did not want to move on, but the Italian felt that Newcastle 'kind of pushed me' to return to Inter nearly eight years ago because of a lack of game time under John Carver, who took over from Pardew.
"I felt like they were a little bit disrespectful because I've always been a guy that if I have to say something to the manager, I just go," he added. "I didn't have a problem if the manager told me, 'Listen, I don't like you and I prefer another player so there's no space for you here.' I know it's difficult for a manager to say, but it's your job to speak to the player and tell the player what you feel. At that point, I decided if he's not going to play me and there's an offer I'm happy with, I'll take it."
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