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Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
National
Saffron Otter

'I gave a speech at my wedding - more brides should as they're the best part of the day'

Heidi Ellert-McDermott walked down the aisle on her wedding day in a £50 dress from Debenhams. She had made the invites herself, and had bought the flowers from IKEA.

She and her husband Roger's budget wedding took place in 2012, costing around £4.5k, but what made it special was the speeches, says Heidi.

It elevated the occasion from just a 'posh party' in a restaurant – 'bringing heart and soul' and personal touches, making their guests laugh and smile.

It was during Roger's groom speech that the newlyweds announced they were expecting their first child, but instead of the traditional line-up including the best man speech, they had women take to the mic too, including bride Heidi.

This is where the 42-year-old, who now owns her own professional wedding speech service, wants to see a difference, with more brides and women saying a few words on the big day.

Heidi gave a bride speech at her wedding in 2012 (Neil Pollock Photography)

"I think the speeches really do add the heart and soul to wedding," Heidi told the Mirror.

"Whether it's at a registry office or a church ceremony, when you go to that as a guest, they're very similar.

"It's very hard to make that truly personal by the nature of it - running through the legalities and all that."

She continued: "Another reason why speeches are important is that I think they really do connect everyone that's there.

"Otherwise, it can just feel like a very expensive posh party. And I do feel you owe it to your guests to least acknowledge, not only their effort in coming and possibly spending hundreds of pounds to see you say I do, but you also owe them a good time.

"You owe them the chance to laugh and you want to reignite their enthusiasm for love.

"And especially the people you really, really genuinely care about - like your parents and your friends that have seen you through your single years. This is one of the few opportunities in your life where you get to take a moment to truly honour them and pay a tribute."

After studying at university, Heidi, from Scotland, moved to London at 21 in a bid to work in TV.

She spent the majority of her 15-year career at the BBC, where she produced entertainment shows such as The One Show, This Morning, A Place in the Sun, The Sharon Osbourne Show, and Richard Hammond's 5 O'clock Show.

Through a friend, she met her now-husband Roger and moved to Bristol to be with him.

They then tied the knot in 2012 in a budget wedding costing around £4,500.

She says wedding speeches are the best part of the day (Neil Pollock Photography)

Before the huge popularity of Etsy, Heidi hand-crafted the invitations, bought her flowers from IKEA, and walked down the aisle in a dress from Debenhams for £50.

"I just wanted it to be good fun," she recalled.

"We got married in a church, then had the reception at a swanky bar/restaurant that had a dance floor. We just about squeezed our 90 guests into it.

"For me, the speeches were going to be the highlight of the day.

"It's a time to sort of take stock of your life and value the friendship and the love that you've achieved in your life.

"I just thought it's gonna be fun and I really wanted to make my friends laugh. I knew there were quite a lot of people that didn't know each other. So I want to get them all laughing together.

"I was nervous on the day but I'm so glad I did it".

Heidi's mum also said a few words and Rodger's sister also shared a 'cheeky' poem.

Alongside the traditional best man's speech, the groom announced the news that he and Heidi were three months pregnant.

Their big day was a big hit with their friends and family, but in the following summers, Heidi attended multiple weddings with forgettable speeches or ones that were memorable for the wrong reasons.

Using her 15-year career writing scripts for TV, she decided to set up her own professional wedding speech service - Speechy - to help others.

The expert team of writers at Speechy, created by Heidi (Heidi Ellert-McDermott)

"I was going to a few other weddings where the speeches were either a bit questionable, like the best man went on for 50 minutes and was actually getting heckled, or they were just a bit dull and a bit boring and a bit predictable. And they were all saying the same things," Heidi said.

"I was just like, there needs to be someone helping people.

"I set up Speechy and pretty quickly, the next year, we exhibited at a wedding show and I was so shocked at how few brides even considered giving a speech.

"It was very much like, 'no, that's the guy's job.'"

Dumbfounded, Heidi continued: "I do think it's somewhat ironic that we've got all these campaigning groups for women to be on more conference lineups and speaker lineups within the business sphere and then a lineup that we're actually in charge of or jointly, we opt out of on one of the days when literally everyone in the room wants to hear from you."

In recent times, Heidi says she has been working with more mothers of brides amid parent divorces and a shift from the nuclear family dynamic.

She has noticed changing attitudes when marriage's patriarchal traditions are actually questioned.

"You love your son or daughter as equally, so why should parents have to give up the right to pay a tribute to their child just because it's a 'guy's job'," Heidi asked.

"When you question these things it is like yeah, that's really odd."

The expert, who has now published a book - The Modern Couple's Guide to Wedding Speeches - with helpful advice about perfecting a wedding speech, also works with parents for joint speeches along with joint speeches from the couple marrying, which is particularly popular with same-sex couples.

"It's just becoming a bit looser and a bit more creative in terms of the line-up, which is great," she added.

She says the traditional wedding speech lineup needs a shake-up (Heidi Ellert-McDermott)
She has now written a book to help others (Heidi Ellert-McDermott)

"I think our attitudes have changed, but our behaviours haven't when it comes to romance - it's the same with proposals as well with the 'man typically getting down on one knee... hopefully things are changing, but speeches are the one area that needs to be shaken up the most."

Most people that come to use the service are individuals, Heidi says, with 90% keeping it as a secret.

Clients must fill out an in-depth questionnaire to help the team understand what their speech could be about and includes questions like 'what is something that nobody else knows about them?' and 'what annoys you about them?'

Heidi will then assign them a ghostwriter depending on the style they're after - from super sentimental to witty. But would argue that every speech needs a bit of humour.

They'll then share some Zoom calls before producing multiple drafts until the client is happy.

But is it classed as cheating? Heidi argues the finished product is actually more authentic.

"I think a lot of people worry that they will be seen as cheating," she said.

"Whereas what I would say is, unlike like a groom going on the internet and stealing good lines, what we actually do is ask the right questions to get their content from them, and then use what they genuinely think and see.

"Our job is to package that up better. You're actually going to get something more original than someone who's panicking and looking on the internet because that's where all these generic rubbish lines are that I hear time and time again.

"This is an investment in a moment."

The Modern Couple's Guide to Wedding Speeches: How to Write and Deliver an Unforgettable Speech or Toast by Heidi Ellert-McDermott is now available to buy from Amazon, published by Little, Brown, priced £9.99.

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