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The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

I don’t get along with my sister-in-law. Should I try to address the dynamic?

A painting showing family sitting around a table
‘One is about changing her behaviour. The other is about changing her mind. I think your strategy going forward will depend on which you care most about,’ writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: Bless, O God, These Thy Gifts to Our Use by Albert Chevallier Tayler (1887). Illustration: Artepics/Alamy

I’m struggling with a dynamic with my sister-in-law. We’re not a natural fit personality-wise, and I’ve tried to be mindful of that. At times I wonder whether she might be jealous of the life I have with her brother and our children. I often encourage my husband to spend time with her without me, because she doesn’t seem to particularly enjoy me being there. As a result, we now mostly see each other at family gatherings, which happen about once a month.

There’s a recurring pattern where she corrects me quite sharply, with an impatience that often feels disproportionate or plain mean. She might snap while I am talking to her parents (with whom I have a good relationship), laugh at how I pronounce a placename, or dismiss a question as though it’s too stupid to answer. These interactions are quick and barely noticeable to anyone else, although my daughter and husband have both observed and agreed it was pretty mean.

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