‘I canoodled in hedges and fumbled in recycling bins as a teenager – and I don’t regret a thing’

‘If a boy fancied me, that would be enough of an aphrodisiac for me to fall at least halfway in love’ (Posed by models) Photograph: Image Source/Getty Images

In the midst of a full Edinburgh fringe run of a new show, called Wench, I am awash with fond memories of a lifetime spent attempting sluttery. No shame in that. It’s 2022. No one was harmed in the making of that fun.

Actually, saying “no shame” isn’t entirely true. I very much can wait for my parents and in-laws to read this article or see the new show, but them aside, no shame. Also, when I say “fond memories”, I also mean “embarrassing memories”.