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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Philippa Perry

I can’t stop my partner’s daughter being really rude to me

Rude,Vindictive,Young,Woman,Giving,The,Middle,Finger,In,AnRude vindictive young woman giving the middle finger in an obscene gesture with focus to her hand in a close up head shot; Shutterstock ID 2013953027; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -
Getting the message: ‘She’s not a bad person, she’s a kid.’ Photograph: Giulio_Fornasar/Shutterstock

The dilemma I am really struggling with my partner’s daughter. My partner and his ex separated several years ago, when his two children were just four and six. They went through an acrimonious split and he eventually won full custody of the children. I moved in recently and have been in their lives for about six months now. At the beginning, his daughter was affectionate; however her attitude has changed towards me. I think she also believes if she rejects me enough, then I will leave and she will have her dad to herself. I really try to keep the trauma of the break-up she has been through in mind every day, but it’s getting harder to accept her mean behaviour. She ignores my existence, making no eye contact, not answering any questions until she’s made to and even then when she does it’s monosyllabic.

When my partner has spoken to her about it, she becomes aggressively upset, demanding to know exactly when and where these things have occurred so that she can blame me. I am walking on eggshells in the house all day. I have tried ignoring the behaviour, but I really find it too upsetting. The more I ignore it, the more I am separated from the family “group” and become an unwelcome outsider.

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