Dear Coleen
I’m in recovery from alcohol addiction, following years of abuse. I’ve had bags full of therapy, which helped me and put a lot of stuff from the past to rest. The problem is, I had a relapse last year, but quickly got back on the wagon and started attending AA meetings.
This really played with my head. People told me secrets about other people in the fellowship, which shouldn’t have been disclosed to me, other people made lies up about me, which were believed. I found a sponsor, which should have been great, but she kept making me pray – literally made me get on my hands and knees to pray and give my entire will to God.
She was really adamant about this. She even talked about me being bedevilled – I thought I was going to end up burning in hell! It all brought up bad memories from years and years of abuse.
The good thing is, I walked away from it, I’m having a top-up with my therapy, but the experience has left me feeling angry and awakened fears of coercion, and I don’t know how to deal this.
I don’t want to go back to alcohol. I’d appreciate your advice.
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
AA isn’t going to work for everyone, but please don’t let the experience make you think you can’t carry on with your recovery – lots of people find another way.
I know people for whom AA has been the best thing they ever did and others who got support in other ways.
If you think the way you were treated wasn’t right, it’s OK to get in touch and voice how you feel. You came to them for help and support, not to be judged, and it’s good for them to know and have feedback. Just being able to say how you feel might help you to move forward positively.
Maybe the key for you is to stick with ongoing therapy. Don’t fall into that trap of making excuses about why something won’t work or doesn’t work. I’ve known several addicts who did that, but just because one thing didn’t work for you, doesn’t mean something else won’t.
Whatever kind of counselling or support you have, it comes down to you. No one has a magic cure. Ultimately, it has to be you who finds the will and strength to do it and you have done it and you’re doing great. Don’t let this setback throw you off the good path you’re on.
Deal with those difficult memories that have been raked up in therapy, one-to-one, with your counsellor.
