I am an anti-domestic abuse advocate – but I failed to recognise it happening to me and my family

‘Coercive controllers are highly skilled at identifying vulnerability and using it against their victims. For me, it was my children and the prospect of losing my family,’ writes the author. Photograph: Marsell Gorska Gautier/Getty Images

When I met Steven*, I’d recently left an unhealthy relationship. He was an acquaintance initially, and our connection developed slowly and organically. There was no pressure, only support and patience from a man I felt completely at ease with.

At the time, awareness of non-physical domestic violence – such as coercive control, financial abuse, stalking and other forms of psychological abuse – had been increasing. Extensive media coverage and the sharing of deeply personal stories are what helped me recognise what was wrong in my previous relationship and leave it.