A year or so ago, when I was going through a stressful time, a friend sent me a card in the post. Bright pink, with the words ‘wonder woman’ on the front - you’ve probably seen it or something similar. Inside she wrote beautiful words that were intended to buoy me up and it worked: they have stayed with me ever since, as has the generous act of her sending it in the first place.
I thought of that gesture this week, when I heard the footballer Lucy Bronze, 31, give an interview from the Women’s World Cup. The England defender, who is one of the most recognisable Lionesses, not to mention one of the highest paid female footballers in the world, has every reason to big herself up. Instead, with a huge smile on her face, she sang the the praises of her team-mate.
“Unbeatable… Too cool… I absolutely love hanging around with her,” she said of 21-year-old Lauren James, the breakout star of the knockout stages of the tournament who was sent off during England’s last-16 clash with Nigeria.
It felt a bit radical, especially where female friendship is concerned. Blame all those years of being made to believe that there was only room for one woman at the top and pitting us against one another as rivals - a handy narrative for male-dominated workplaces that wanted us distracted instead of driven.
We’ve largely seen through this by now, but there’s sometimes a lingering sense that another woman’s achievements reflect badly on you. That because she has succeeded, you have failed - even when she’s a friend.
The Lionesses have blown this idea out of the water in the last two weeks by becoming a squad of hype-women for the notoriously-shy James, calling her unbelievable, brilliant, a special talent, a superstar and the equivalent of having a video game cheat code. They put their arms reassuringly around her during press conferences.
Left-back player Rachel Daly pointed to a ‘player of the match sign’ last week and told James “have a look at that, kid, because that will be you tomorrow night” (she was right, with England going on to defeat China 6-1). And there can be little doubt that they will rally around her once again, given the events of this latest Nigeria clash, with more mature players helping their younger friend to navigate a steep learning curve and championing what she has achieved in the past couple of weeks.
We all need hype-women like this in our lives - female friends who are on our team and validate us when we need it. Even when we don’t know we need it. Who do more than lift us up and actually cheer us on. Think Jamie Lee Curtis yelling and punching the air when her friend Michelle Yeoh won Best Actress at the Golden Globes in January - a moment of pure unselfish joy in a potentially competitive scenario.
It’s human nature to feel a pang of jealousy when someone achieves something you want for yourself, whether professional or personal. That doesn’t make you a bad friend - but what the Lionesses have shown is that there is room for all of us. That another woman’s success is not at the expense of your own. Understanding that and still being their hype-woman is one of the truest expressions of female friendship out there.
Forget the celebrations on pitch; for me, the best and most uplifting celebrations have been taking place off it. The Lionesses have brought home something that really matters.
