A man who chose to take his wife's surname after marriage has hit back at trolls who said he was 'emasculated' as he explained the touching reason why the couple chose to switch up the tradition. Alastair Tansley - formerly Livesley - said taking his wife Phoebe's surname was a 'no-brainer' for him after she expressed she had a 'strong emotional connection' to it after she lost her parents at a young age.
Alastair realised he didn't feel the same way about his own surname, the MEN reports. The couple had some discussions about the issue after Alastair proposed in October 2020 and Phoebe made it clear she was not happy about losing her last name which was a big part of her identity.
Alastair said he didn't think his decision to take his wife's name was a big deal until he had time to reflect after their wedding and shared the news online. He explained that while most people were supportive of his choice and a few other men even commented they had done the same, a few online trolls suggested he was now 'less of a man'.
His decision sparked debate surrounding the patriarchal traditions that are accepted as the norm today with a woman taking a man's last name as a sign of his property. A study carried out by the London Mint in 2017 found that more than 1 in 10 men are now taking their wife's surname when they tie the knot.
The number of woman choosing to include their birth names alongside their spouse's surname after getting married is also rising. The Deed Poll Office, a law firm that specialises in name changes, saw requests from newlyweds to officially retain their maiden names alongside their spouse’s surname, rather than change it completely, rise by 30 per cent between 2020 and 2021.
Alastair, who works as a producer in BBC radio, now hopes more men consider the option after he received an overwhelmingly positive reaction to his tweet which now has over 3,000 likes and more than 100 comments. The producer met his wife Phoebe, 32 five years ago at a charity ball in London and they now share a one year old daughter together.
He said that although they didn't come to a decision immediately, after multiple conversations the right thing to do became clear. He said Phoebe was very appreciative of him to make the statement while his parents had some mixed feelings.
He explained: "I think my mum just didn't understand where I was coming from. She said 'well that's just what you do.
"The woman takes the man's name - that's how it's always been.' She didn't totally get it at first. I think it is a generational thing, it's so common now for women to keep their own names, or to double barrel, a combination.
"Those things were pretty unusual when my parents married as well - it's another of those but more of a statement." The dad-of-one said he also thought his friends would make jokes about it but they've all been very supportive of his name change.
He added that his new surname has not in any way made him feel 'less of a man' or like he has lost any part of himself and if anything, he has only gained. He added he hopes by the time his little girl is older, it's not assumed that a woman must take a man's name in marriage.
Al said: "I love my new name. I have not lost my old identity at all and have gained something new. So many women must have got married and felt they had to [change their name] so I thought why wouldn't I go a little bit further? It's a gesture of love and respect to my wife.
"'We are equal and your story is as important as mine. 'That's the tone we want to set for our marriage. There are lots of things about marriage that are inherently patriarchal so if I can push back a little bit more than why wouldn't I?
"I'd love to think that when our daughter is older, she can make her own decision. This is about slightly shifting things in that direction."
Addressing the small minority of trolls that have slammed his decision, Alastair insists that he is just happy to have opened up conversations about the important matter. He said: "If this makes people question it more, then great.
"If any men think about it, I hope it does encourage them. It is a big decision, I worried about what people might think, but people have been so positive about it, it can feel like the biggest thing in the world but it's really not.
"I don't feel any different. It feels like a lovely and positive thing and brings me closer to my wife and my daughter. If it can start a conversation that's only a good thing".
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