It can take a while before some people show their true colors. Some don’t reveal their real selves until marriage, when they’ve committed to a forever union. Such cases can take an ugly turn, like the story you’re about to read.
A woman’s marriage was instantly in shambles after her husband began killing her beloved houseplants behind her back. The incident, however, only opened a can of worms, revealing a dark side of his personality she never saw until then.
After enduring physical and emotional abuse, the author separated herself from her toxic partner and began a new life with her daughter. However, she is also asking the internet for helpful advice. Read the full story below.
Some people reveal their dark side after marriage
Image credits: Huy Phan / pexels (not the actual photo)
For this woman, it all began when she found out that her husband had been killing her houseplants
Image credits: Huy Phan / Incase (not the actual photo)
She later learned that he had also been deliberately torturing their daughter through his brand of “discipline”
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author also saw a darker side of her husband she didn’t know existed until then
Image source: ThrowRA_Necessary_22
There are several compelling reasons why people hide their true selves in relationships
Based on her story, the author didn’t seem to have had problems with her husband until the houseplant incident. That was when she discovered the truth about the man she thought she knew.
People hide their true selves for a few compelling reasons. Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers says one of them is the desire to achieve “the perfect self,” which is an illusion.
In his article for Forbes, Dr. Travers points out that surviving modern society is often about gaining acceptance through validation. During our younger years, our environment conditions us to put too much value on other people’s perceptions about us.
Personal perceptions also play a role, especially if you have a low opinion of yourself. According to Dr. Travers, it can very well translate into romantic relationships.
“If you believe you are not good enough, you would want a partner who makes you feel the opposite,” Dr. Travers wrote, adding that it becomes an unfair expectation that burdens the other person.
The personal insecurities then force a person to act inauthentically. As Dr. Travers notes, this can develop a fear of rejection, which leads to hiding one’s true colors until they eventually reveal themselves.
In the author’s case, her husband’s deplorable persona took a while to come out. And it caused their child a lot of suffering when it did.
An immediate cutting of ties is necessary when dealing with a toxic spouse
The author described herself as a “frog in a boiling pot,” where she believed she was suffering a slow death without realizing it. In such cases, experts urge the immediate cutting of ties, especially when the abuse turns physical.
In an article for Medium, psychologist Dr. Asad M. Khan advises eliminating all connections with the toxic individual as soon as possible. It allows the victim to have immediate control of their life, which they likely lost during the relationship.
Dr. Khan also emphasizes the importance of safety precautions. A safe place to go is necessary, especially since her young daughter could be in danger.
The woman is primarily worried about her child, who may have experienced deep-seated trauma from her father. As a mother, she also carries some guilt for not doing enough to curb the abuse.
She says her daughter is on a waiting list for therapy, but she could also use some professional help. As Dr. Khan pointed out, therapy can provide helpful techniques and significant insights to help deal with underlying issues.
What’s your take, readers? What should be the author’s next move that could help both her and her daughter?
Commenters shared their similar experiences and gave their advice
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
The author later shared an update, also revealing details of physical abuse
Image source: ThrowRA_Necessary_22
